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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2010-11-10

This article shared 3135 times since Wed Nov 10, 2010
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"I always wanted to be a daddy."—Ricky Martin on The View. Get your minds out of the gutter—he's talking about being a father. BTW, do you know what his nickname is? "When I am onstage or in front of the cameras, I am 'Ricky'; but in private I am 'Kiki'." Hard to call someone named Kiki a "daddy!"

With fall in the air—even in Los Angeles—I was overcome with the need to clean out my closets. I started with pants, which fall into three categories—things I can fit into; things I can look good in even if I'm 5-10 pounds overweight; and things I cannot zip up if my life depended on it, but hold onto because they're so cute. Sadly, the bulk of my closet was filled with clothes from that last category—clothes that I will NEVER fit again. After trying everything on, I got rid of 76 pairs of pants—many of which still had tags. Like the good, philanthropic person I try to be, I packed up all my petite gems and brought them to "Out of the Closet," the thrift shop that raises money for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. ( Did I ever tell you about running into Brad Pitt there? Remind me sometime—it's a funny story. ) My fear is that some night I'll pick up a hot little number wearing one of my hot little numbers! He'll ask, "Do you want to get into my pants?" And I'll say, "No, I want my pants BACK!"

The fall also brings Halloween—a holiday taken VERY seriously in West Hollywood. When planning a look, most of our residents ask a question like, "What goes with a Speedo?" Or "Could one of those Chilean miners have been shirtless?" After Michael Phelps' Olympic win, we saw lots of boys in skimpy suits, bathing caps and goggles, because it is de rigueur to show as much skin as possible.

Rather than hit the street and deal with the throngs and multitudes ( to say nothing of the multitude of thongs ) , I went to the Halloween party—Halloween at Palihouse. The party was thrown by my buddy Chad Hudson, who produces all the big swanky studio parties associated with premieres, award shows, etc. Chad knows how to provide any situation with the best possible experience, and this party was a perfect example of why he's so successful. Given Chad's status in the industry, there was quite a kerfuffle to get in—unless, of course, you're Billy Masters. Then you are greeted at the door and are escorted through the crowd by Corbett Harper, aka Speedo Boy. ( Check out his blog at CorbettHarper.com . ) Other luminaries included Lance Bass, Marc Cornelsen, JP Calderone, Adam Shankman, James Duke Mason, Kelly Osbourne, Jai Rodriguez, Kevin Williamson and assorted soap, porn and incognito actors. I had a blast, and will post some pics on BillyMasters.com .

One of the people cavorting in town was Trace Lehnhoff, who you may know as Jeff Lewis' cute assistant on Flipping Out. Trace happens to have a tight, well-defined body ( and could probably have fit into the bulk of my discarded wardrobe ) . What did he wear for Halloween? Football shoulder pads, a jock strap and a smile! At one point, he planned on bringing a rape whistle—just in case! When I saw him, he had slipped on a pair of lace-up football pants that were ... well, unlaced! We'll run some hot pics on BillyMasters.com .  Let me add that he has a penchant for showing skin around the holidays. Check out our site for more mouthwatering seasonal gay apparel.

Let me make a confession—I don't really get into The Oprah. I like her, but she never gets anything really juicy out of celebrities because she coddles them too much. That said, I watched her interview with Portia De Rossi and noticed that Winfrey has enormous trouble crossing her legs. Throughout the chat, she actually had to hold her left knee in a death grip to keep it from flying off her right thigh! Portia's big reveal was that the shame of being a lesbian drove her to anorexia—at one point, she only weighed 82 pounds. When she said that, I was sure Oprah's leg was gonna take flight! Note to self—if I want to get back into my skinny jeans, start sleeping with women.

Lesbians are making news overseas as well. For the first time in the history of the Dancing With The Stars franchise, there will be a same-sex couple dancing—and it's in Israel!! And it's not some old handsome woman with whiskers and a hump like Golda Meir. This is a sexy TV sportscaster named Gili Shem-Tov. She's openly gay and when she was invited onto the show, she said she'd only do it if she could have a female partner—and the producers said yes. Bear in mind that while Israel can be old fashioned in some ways, gays can serve in the military. So why not dance on TV together? Maybe they could do the Gaza Strip—bada bing!

A month ago I told you that Kim Cattrall was in discussions to star opposite Bernadette Peters in Stephen Sondheim's musical, Follies, which will play a limited run at the Kennedy Center in D.C. next May. It is true that Cattrall was considered ( and/or was considering it ) . After all, she is a thespian who is playing "Cleopatra" in Shakespeare's "Antony and Cleopatra" in the city of her birth—Liverpool, England. But that's neither hither nor yon ( as the bard would say ) . Cattrall is out, and Jan Maxwell is in as Phyllis. Even more interesting is the list of legendary ladies who will take on the smaller character roles—people like Florence Lacey, Rosalind Elias, Linda Lavin, Regine and Elaine Paige. Wait a minute? Bernadette Peters and Elaine Paige in the same show? Musical theatre fans around the globe must be kvelling! Needless to say, Paige is playing Carlotta Campion, who gets to sing "I'm Still Here." But, just for a second, imagine Bernadette and Elaine as Sally and Phyllis" ... and throw in a LuPone as Carlotta—now THAT'S a show. ( Have I mentioned that Glenn Close has still not called Patti? )

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Christian in Miami: "What happened with that 'Philip Morris' movie with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor playing lovers? Is it ever coming out?"

I Love You Philip Morris has been on and off the shelf so many times, even I had to look up the latest news. Allegedly, it will open "in select cities" Dec. 3. But who do you think saw the movie six months ago? Billy Masters, that's who. So, since many of you clearly want to watch it, why don't I just point you in the right direction courtesy of BillyMasters.com and you can see it for yourself. Consider it an early holiday gift.

When I'm scheduling movie screenings, it's definitely time to end yet another column. See? One-stop shopping—that's what www.BillyMasters.com is all about. In fact, it's never to early to buy a stocking stuffer for that special someone. And with enough notice, I could personally stuff that stocking ( in addition to other things ) . For all your needs, I'm just a mouse click away. Just send a note along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Glenn calls Patti. ( Like LuPone, I have no intention of letting this go. ) So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 3135 times since Wed Nov 10, 2010
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