"Those who practice abstinence have no chance of becoming pregnant."—wise words from "teen activist" Bristol Palin.
We have to start this week with the big story everyone is talking about: my guest-starring appearance on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Let's face it: I ask the tough questions wherever I go. So when Jeffrey Sanker had me and Candis Cayne handle white-carpet interviews at his White Party, it was a perfect fit. When I was told I'd be chatting with Kim Zolciak, I have to admit I was stumped. Obviously I couldn't gush about her "singing"—I had my credibility to consider ( and I'm not sure she'd know what air quotes were ) . Instead, I decided to ask her about her tête-à-tête with DJ extraordinaire Tracy Young. After all, we're at the biggest gay-dance party in the world and she's come out of a relationship with a woman—it's not a huge leap! Candis starts the conversation to soften Kim up. And then I pounce like a puma and ask about Tracy. What you don't see is Kim rolling her eyes and saying, "I should have known you'd wanna talk about that." I said, "No problem. We don't have to," and turned to walk away. She grabbed me in a death grip and said, "No, that's OK"—because if there's one thing Zolciak wants more than getting away from me, it's publicity. The Bravo telecast picks up with Zolciak answering the question defensively, Cayne looking positively ashen, fellow housewife/songwriter Kandi Burruss trying to figure out which of us blonds was the most feminine and me gloating. I don't think it's too soon to be talking spin-off.
Because I'm always overbooked, I couldn't attend the gala screening party of our episode at WeHo hotspot Eleven. Zolciak and Burruss were there with the beaming Sanker. Several porn stars were also in attendance—including Steven Daigle. After the viewing, Daigle and some porn pals ( including Landon Conrad ) headed across the street to The Abbey, where Cayne was doing her show. The trouble began when porn star ( and recent Daigle paramour ) Trent Locke arrived. No one knows what the ensuing argument was about, but in short order both boys are outside, punches are thrown, blood is spilled and both are brought to the hospital. Locke was kept overnight for observation while Daigle was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery and held on $20K bail. Somewhere, Chi Chi LaRue is typing this up as a future film treatment.
Last week, lawyers for the estate of Joe DiMaggio threatened to sue Yale University Press if they used a photo of him on the cover of their book about DiMaggio's marriage to Marilyn Monroe. Of course, if Yale finds someone with the legal rights to a photo of the two, problem solved. But what about a photo of Joe DiMaggio's penis? Who has the rights to that? I'm guessing I do, since it just appeared in my inbox with no explanation. Jumpin' Joe's manhood is exposed in this photo from 1940 showing him showering after a game—and smiling for the cameras. You'll be smiling too when you check it out at BillyMasters.com .
If that made you smile, the nude photo of Mickey Mantle may induce a cartwheel! It should go without saying that I've seen a lot of penises in my day. Many in person. Many in photos. Many belonging to famous people—both in person and in photos. But, Lord have mercy, this is something! Mickey standing in front of his locker, in front of reporters, without a lick of clothing. Between his face, his body, and that dick, it's almost too delectable for words. But in the back of my mind, a word did pop up—skeptical. And that's not because it looks fake; this looks pretty genuine. And it certainly provided me with several minutes of "pleasure." But really??? Head on over to our website and you tell me what you think.
For decades, there have been rumors about sexy Gavin Rossdale having bedded and/or dated notorious British drag queen/singer Marilyn. I believe Boy George was the first to talk about this, which was immediately denied by Rossdale. Then George Michael brought it up, and Rossdale denied it again. Then Marilyn told all, and Rossdale ... well, you get the idea. Finally Rossdale came clean in the November issue of Details magazine. Rossdale said, "It's not something I've talked about really because it's always been in the glare of a tabloid world. It's just one of those things: Move on. When you're 17, Jesus Christ. I don't think there's anything strange about any form of—you're learning about life. It's a part of growing up. That's it. No more, no less." Well that clears up absolutely nothing. Rossdale's version calls it a "one-time experimentation," but Marilyn insists they were in a five-year relationship. I've had some one-night-stands that certainly felt like five years, but that's another story.
Our "Ask Billy" question this week comes from Randy in Bangor: "Have you seen the new Old Navy commercial with the hot leaf blower and the mannequins? Who is he?"
I assume you're talking about the leaf blower and not the mannequin. And he should look familiar—I told you all about him in the Sept. 13 installment of this column ( available with the rest of the archives on our website ) . That would be the very sexy Brazilian model Thierre di Castro. You'll also recognize him in the Zoosk commercial as the hot shirtless fantasy man who bangs into that woman ( as if... ) . He's certainly rocking those abs and looking cuter than ever in this clip—to say nothing of the many sexy shots we have on BillyMasters.com .
When it's mid-October and we're already into reruns, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Did I mention that my big episode with those Housewives is running pretty incessantly on Bravo? I wonder if I'll get residuals for each airing? Hmm, I'll have to give my lawyers a call. While I'm looking into this, you can look into www.BillyMasters.com—the website that always puts out. For your more personal needs, I'm only an e-mail away. Just send your every desire to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Kim and I record a duet for the ( inevitable ) reunion show. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
