"Wait. J-Lo critiquing singers?! Hmmm....maybe my fat ass should teach a fitness class."—Frenchie Davis gives her opinion on the new American Idol judging panel via Twitter. Is it wrong that I can't get the image of Frenchie teaching strip-aerobics out of my head?
One of my favorite people is legendary talk-radio host Lynn Samuels ( currently on Sirius Left 146 ) . She's a feisty New Yorker of a certain age who doesn't take any crap from anyone. She once walked into a video store carrying her purse—which is actually a small knapsack. The high school student working there stopped her, saying, "You have to check that." Without even slowing down, Lynn said, "Make me." Wisely, the tyke bid a hasty retreat.
I was reminded of this anecdote at last week's GayVN Awards, which was held at the venerable Castro Theatre in San Francisco. To get onstage, there were stairs on the left and the right. Someone dressed as a cop ( who clearly wasn't one ) was standing at the foot of the left staircase and would menacingly block anyone who didn't go to the right. I'm sure there was some logical reason for this, but that was lost on Hall of Fame inductee Mickey Skee. He asked if I would mind causing a distraction so he could go up the staircase closer to our seats. Would I mind? Honey, I'd welcome it! Mickey's name was called, he started walking towards the left with me in tow. Like a panther, I leapt in front of the cop. As Mickey bounded onto the stage, the cop said, "You can't go up these stairs." I responded in a way befitting a luminary of my stature: "Go to hell!" Now that I think of it, this may be why I had enormous difficulty getting into the after party. ( Thank you, Mr. Pam, for coming to my aid. )
Meanwhile, back at the GayVNs, Alec Mapa did a fantastic job hosting. In a stroke of brilliance, he stayed onstage throughout the entire show—even during presentations and acceptance speeches. This allowed him to not only have fun at some of the participants' expense, but to also keep things moving. Sister Roma was crowned Personality of the Year based on people in the audience texting in votes. ( Since this was SF, she was a sure thing over Chi Chi LaRue and Jason Sechrest, who I am now referring to as "Mini Chi"—in the most affectionate of ways, of course. ) There were big studio wins for Channel 1 Releasing and Raging Stallion Studios. An absent Brent Corrigan won three awards, while Brent Everett and Matthew Rush each took home a pair of trophies. One of Rush's was particularly touching—he was inducted into the Hall of Fame alongside Bill Marlowe, Mike Donner, Ryan Block and the aforementioned Skee. I was thrilled that Mickey's contributions were recognized. As an author, porn columnist and judge ( alongside moi ) , he has been a driving force in this industry for decades.
A familiar face will turn up on daytime television next year. Anderson Cooper has just signed a deal to launch his own daytime talk show in 2011. But don't worry—he isn't leaving CNN. This will be in addition to his existing commitments. It does mean, however, that he won't be taking over a network anchor desk. Cooper has been long touted as a possible replacement for Katie Couric, who is expected to "step down" ( voluntarily, of course ) when her contract with CBS News expires in May. We hear that Katie has already put the feelers out and could possibly return to the Today Show! Rumor has it that Meredith Vieira could leave when her contract is up, and Katie wants people to know she'd "consider it"—which I believe means, "Please, somebody hire me."
Aretha Franklin has some very specific casting ideas when it comes to the film adaptation of her autobiography, Aretha: From These Roots. Terrence Howard is her first choice to play Smokey Robinson. She also feels that Denzel Washington would be perfect for Rev. Franklin, Aretha's father. ( We won't even go into the other rumored aspects of their relationship that are not covered in the book. ) But who should play the younger Aretha? Why, obviously Halle Berry—that's who! And I'm gonna shove a Snickers in my mouth and say nothing else on the subject.
On Nov. 2, Ricky Martin will release his own autobiography, Me. More interesting than the book is who will get the first interview with the now openly gay Ricky. Both Barbara Walters and Oprah are vying for this honor, with Babs having the edge, given her history with Martin ( which I suppose refers to when she famously pressed him on the subject of his homosexuality back in 2000 ) . But Winfrey really wants this. Maybe she should offer him a trip to Australia!
If you enjoy Bret Michaels, pick up the latest issue of Billboard magazine. The diminutive rocker is featured on the cover, without a stitch of clothing. However, if you're looking for his penis, keep looking. The magazine covered his private parts with a large dot. At least superstar DJ Brett Henrichsen had the panache to use an actual LP. But, don't worry. Just head on over to BillyMasters.com for every inch of Bret—we have nothing to hide.
Could it be that friction is a-brewin' behind the scenes of The Jersey Shore? With Snooki writing a book, The Situation reading one ( oh, and competing on Dancing with the Stars ) , the rest of the cast is trying to stake their claim. Vinny Guadagnino has been offered $30,000 to pose au naturel for Playgirl. Kinda paltry when you consider that "Playboy" offered J-Woww $400,000! But let's face it—straight men will pay for anything.
When the boys in Jersey are cheaper than the girls, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Let me take a second to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com, the website that puts out. Speaking of putting out, why hasn't Anderson Cooper made a bid to interview Ricky Martin? It could be riveting television. Or it could be like two giddy girls having a slumber party. Either way, I'd watch. What about you? Drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Anderson takes Ricky's cherry ( interview-wise ) . Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
