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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

This article shared 2257 times since Wed Sep 29, 2010
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"Ray is gay for Fey ...absolutely! I love a funny woman. Ray is gay for Fey."—Rachael Ray tells Joy Behar about her same-sex crush on Tina Fey. If Joy could find someone whose name rhymes with Behar, maybe she'd be getting some action!

It may be not be spring, but this is a time when the smart people set out to find a mate for the upcoming winter months. After all, most sensible folk are wearing more clothing given the nip in the air. ( My nips continue being sassy regardless of the temperature. ) There's less of a need to look cute in revealing outfits, and more of a need to cuddle in the cold. A friend of mine recently purchased a one-month membership to . After dozens of e-mails, a fistful of phone calls and a week-long marathon of first dates, he came up empty-handed. But at least he has two hands. One of his most compatible matches was with a guy whose online photo made it clear that he was missing a hand ... and most of his arm. But on the other hand ( so to speak ) , the guy is quite handsome and claims to be successful. And he can get all the good parking spots at the mall. I'd snap him up in a second!

The fall also means yet another season of Dancing with the Stars. I'm not sure how we're defining "stars" these days, but most of them have a fan base. That's why I was sure that David Hasselhoff was safe, despite his lackluster performance ( and spooky eye job ) . Alas, he's history. I was also sure that Margaret Cho would be canned. In her pre-taped piece, she said her goal was to do an elegant Viennese waltz to show that she was a lady. She ended up looking like Mothra attacking Hollywood! I know she's supportive of us, but this was ridiculous.

Then there's Jennifer Grey. Ever since she was cast, I've been telling people that just because she was in Dirty Dancing doesn't give her the edge. It was all Patrick Swayze tossing her around like a rag doll. Then we had the "Dancing" premiere, and Jen explained she wanted to reclaim something that gave her such joy—dancing. Well, "reclaim" means she once "claimed" it, which means at least she considered herself a dancer. I was rolling my eyes before that little breakdown in the rehearsal room. I'm still not sure how real that was. It did kinda come out of nowhere, which makes me think it was acting—except I'm not convinced Jennifer's that good an actress.

Am I the only one struck by the fact that this is the first cast of Dancing with the Stars to have a body count before they even started rehearsals? We're up to three corpses ( plus one in a chair ) . It's like a touring company of Chicago! Maybe Jennifer and Brandy could do the Hot Honey Rag."

I adore Patti LuPone. That's not to say she's not insane; she is. But she realizes it and almost revels in it, and that puts her miles ahead of delusional divas who don't understand why people think they're difficult. Patti relives each and every hurt from her professional ( and, to a lesser extent, personal ) life in the just-released autobiography "Patti LuPone—A Memoir." LuPone goes out of her way to say she doesn't hold a grudge. That said, she also doesn't forget them. She recounts each tragic tale with passion and a wry sense of black humor. For example, she spends two chapters on the "Sunset Blvd" debacle ( chapters I'm sure you'll immediately turn to ) . While she's not sure how complicit Glenn Close may have been in getting her fired from the Broadway production, she openly muses that had the situation been reversed, she would have immediately called Glenn to either apologize or commiserate. Then, several pages later, LuPone will drop in, "Oh, did I mention Glenn Close never, ever called me?" God love her! But, even better is the unabridged book on CD—"performed by the author." Fabulous!

Just as our last column was going to press, we got word that Adam Lambert had "viciously attacked" a photographer on Miami Beach. Apparently Adam was in SoBe enjoying a few days in the sun prior to a concert. He was clad in long shorts, a tank top and one of those straw cowboy hats they used to plop on Rose Kennedy's head when they'd drag her out—literally—for the annual Kennedy clambake! A photographer wouldn't leave Lambert alone, so Adam chased the snapper and allegedly "tackled" him while trying to grab the camera, which had been stuffed inside his backpack. Ironically, another paparazzo was on hand and captured the entire incident—showing Lambert's "tackle" to be more akin to a spirited game of touch football. The photo also shows the photographer laughing. The police are not pursuing the matter, but the snapper could still press charges. You can see the pics on .

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Jay in Houston: "Do you watch 'The Rachel Zoe Project'? Her assistant, Brad, is so hot in that nerdy kinda way. Do you know anything about him or have any hot pics of him?"

I wouldn't necessarily call the 33-year-old Brad Goreski "nerdy." He certainly has a preppy or dapper style with his black-rimmed glasses, bowties and skinny pants. It's a very distinct, funky, retro look. I think Brad favors these tailored silhouettes because he claims to have been a fat kid. But he certainly ain't fat now—as is evidenced in the shirtless snaps we've dug up. He's got a well-defined torso—not in that porn star way, but in that real guy way. And since I know you're interested, he's been in a monogamous relationship for the past nine years. Still, there's nothing wrong with looking. Feel free to look at him all you want at .

When I'm comparing Adam Lambert to Rose Kennedy, it's definitely time to end yet another column. For all of your gossip needs, head on over to where we tackle the tough stories. And if you have a question, just write me at, and I promise to get back to you before Glenn calls Patti. ( Have I mentioned that she's never, ever called her? ) So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.

This article shared 2257 times since Wed Sep 29, 2010
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