"If God didn't want us to 'borrow' WiFi, he wouldn't give us people who don't secure their routers."—An unknown but wise person posts this philosophy online—probably using someone else's signal. Would that I could have found an unsecured router in Rome...
God didn't want me to leave Italy. That is why I was left virtually stranded in Rome—well, as stranded as one can be in at a Hilton on the airline's dime. With the Internet inexplicably unavailable, I felt quite literally cut off from the rest of the world. What on Earth did people do in the days before the Net? I know what I did—I slept!
Now back on terra firma, I'm able to catch up on some stories that happened during my hiatus. First up is our own Evan Lysacek. ( I know these things. ) Someone asked the following on Evan's Twitter page: "Hey Evan, is Johnny Weir really a guy? Hard to tell from the photos I've seen LOL." Evan's catty response: "Verdict is still out." Well, the queens following Lysacek went into a tizzy, leading to a fascinating response from Evan—he claims that his Twitter account was "hacked." ( I'm using quotes here just like I used them in discussing Jeremy London's "kidnapping." ) Certainly this was an elegant way out. But let's think about it—would someone actually hack into Lysacek's Twitter account solely to post a vaguely homophobic quip about a competitor? Hmmm....
Months ago, Russell Brand told David Letterman about his crush on Dame Helen Mirren. He said, "What I would like is for her to give me a bath. And she's giving me a bath, and it's just a normal kind of bath. But then it becomes confusing. She drops a washcloth, there's some eye contact, she fumbles for the soap. Suddenly I'm locked in a dilemma with a queen—and not for the first time." When confronted with this clip on "The View," Dame Helen spoke directly to Brand: "You know what, Russell? You should be so lucky. I'm never going to be giving you a bath." As it turns out, Russell had the last laugh. This past week, he posted a photo on his Twitter page from the set of the remake of Arthur, in which he stars alongside Mirren ( who takes on the Sir John Gielgud role ) . There we see Russell in the bath with Dame Helen reaching into the water, fumbling around for something! It should be added that Brand looks quite delectable, indeed. Pics to follow on BillyMasters.com .
Russell and Dame Helen weren't the only ones cavorting in the water. This past week, Queen Latifah and her personal trainer/roommate/co-owner of her house/not lesbian lover Jeanette Jenkins were snapped by the paps on a boat in Saint-Jean-Cap-Ferrat, France. Of course, friends can go on a boat together. It happens every day. Except that this photo clearly shows the two in a tender embrace. I'm just saying ( and I'm just posting them ) .
A funny thing happened to Michael Urie in Scotland last week. He was appearing in "Celebrity Autobiography" at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and decided to spend the day strolling around town. While walking down the street, he was approached by a casting director from Anne Hathaway's film One Day. This guy felt that Urie had a great look and perhaps they could use him in the movie—as an extra! Needless to say, Mickey declined. He later Tweeted, "Actually, I didn't know it was an Anne Hathaway movie or I probably woulda said yes—I love her!"
Someone who's snagged a plum gig is Jane Lynch. After endless discussions, negotiations, and rumors, it appears that the Glee star will be hosting an episode of SNL this fall. How she found out is rather funny. SNL contacted Ryan Murphy ( Glee's creator ) to ask if they could have Lynch for a week in October. While Murphy was loathe to write around the lynch-pin, he knew this was a big deal. So he texted Jane to tell her she'd have to spend some time in NYC during the fall. When she protested, he said, "Lady, you're doing 'Saturday Night Live'!" While NBC continues to not confirm anything, a little birdie tells us to pencil in Oct. 9.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Gerry in Toledo: "Did you see 'True Blood' last week? Oh my God—when Eric told Talbot to turn over, I almost came right then and there! Any scoop or outtakes from the set?"
That was something, wasn't it? I'm told that Alexander Skarsgard and Theo Alexander "had fun" doing the scene, and that it was just as intense on the set as it was for you watching it. Well, maybe not as intense—I don't believe either guy threatened to release any bodily fluids! I'm told there's more where that came from, so keep watching. To tide you over, I'll run the clip in all its hotness for you on BillyMasters.com . Just aim away from the computer.
Could it be that a certain oft-rumored-about lad has shaved off his 1 o'clock shadow? Geez, this time around the stubble barely had a chance to breathe! I'm told the most recent Missus Ex felt from the beginning something didn't exactly click—like a prom date gone bad. But not bad enough to keep her from saying "I do." When the clock struck 12, the vanishing act happened once again. When confronted by his irate spouse, we hear the traitor simply said, "I can't." Is this just a case of bad timing, bad luck or bad acting? Either way, his rumored same-sex dalliances haven't been affected in the slightest—and that's saying something!
When a groom doesn't want to kiss the bride, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Back in the States and already back on the road. This time, Provincetown for a few days. Although I'm frolicking with the fellas, I'll still find time to update www.BillyMasters.com, the site that, like me, never sleeps! For your personal needs, I am available morning, noon and night ( particularly night ) . Just send your requests to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dame Helen gives Queen Latifah a royal bath! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
