"I need a girlfriend. I'm looking for funny, someone who can deal with a busy schedule, which has been a problem in the past. Just a cool girl. I need someone to hang out with me."—Evan Lysacek tells RadarOnline what he's looking for in a girlfriend. Yeah, that's what straight guys always say they're looking for—a funny girl to hang out with. That's not a girlfriend, that's a fag hag ( no offense ) .
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times—comedy ain't for amateurs. I am not saying every time I take a swing, I hit it out of the park. But I can't tell you the last time I held for a laugh and only heard crickets. But I know when I last saw it happen to someone else—during Paula Abdul's tribute to Simon Cowell on the American Idol finale. That said, there were a few funny lines. But Paula is simply not a laugh riot. The entire presentation lacked timing, inflection or a sense of irony. An even bigger mistake was waiting an interminable amount of time for a laugh that never came—repeatedly. But isn't this what we wanted from Paula? Some incoherent rambling that went nowhere? We should judge her the way she judged singers. So, "Paula—I loved the shoes. You looked AMAZING. The hair, the outfit, everything worked. And you looked like you were having a ball. Good for you!"
My favorite part of the night was having most of the "AI" winners ( and a significant chorus of losers ) sing "Together We Are One." So, I'm counting the winners and I'm one short. I try again—same thing. Who is missing? I can't think of anyone. It took me a good five minutes before I came up with the name David Cook—so, did I really miss him? Did anyone? Turns out, he was previously committed to perform at a cancer benefit out of state—and, given this is the disease that claimed his brother's life, one can't fault him for that.
Some also-rans were strangely absent. I was looking for Nikki McKibbin ( season one, third place ) , but apparently her invitation got lost in the mail. And yet the seventh-place contestant from season two, Kimberly Caldwell, was front and center. What about Adam Lambert? First we heard he's on "vocal rest"—but how much voice does someone need to sing in the choir with the other non-winners? I'm not even sure their mikes were on. Then he posted on Twitter that the "AI" invitation was, "You've not been asked to perform on the finale. Would you like to sit in the audience?" Call me skeptical, but I find it inconceivable that Lambert wasn't invited to be in the chorus but someone invited Anoop! Really? I still say he simply didn't want to be lumped in with the other past losers.
There was also no Clay Aiken, which is intriguing because the paparazzi spotted him in Los Angeles earlier in the day. But there is no love lost between Clay and the "Idol" folks. A messy lawsuit will do that. That doesn't mean he's just sitting around. He actually has a new CD out called Tried and True that is, not surprisingly, hits that are both tried and true—in this case, songs from the '50s and '60s. He filmed a concert in his hometown of Raleigh, N.C., and it will air on PBS this summer.
As to his personal life, people continue to tell me that Aiken is still happily dating Broadway hoofer Reed Kelly. The two recently went bowling with Reed's mom! Mr. Kelly is quite a busy boy himself. He's taking part in the "Broadway Bares" benefit on June 20th at the Roseland Ballroom in NYC. He's not only gorgeous with a great body, but he's quite an incredible dancer. Some of the "Bares" boys participated in little preview performance at Splash Bar in NYC, and Reed certainly got our attention. For his solo efforts, he's already raised $5K for the cause. Bravo. But, I know what you're interested in—sexy photos and videos. Then check out BillyMasters.com .
Last week, Sharon and Kelly Osbourne hosted an event at their home on Harvey Milk Day—which apparently falls on May 22. ( Who knew? ) The event was a benefit for Equality California ( EQCA ) , a group promoting ... well, equality. Tickets ranged in price from $150 to $5000 and quickly sold out. The organizers also invited some luminaries to raise the star power. One of those people was Dustin Lance Black who, as you know, won the Oscar for writing the screenplay to "Milk". Makes sense. However, they also invited Perez Hilton—one of the people who wrote about Lance's sex tape ( full disclosure—I, too, wrote about this tape, but my reporting was somewhat more balanced and didn't exactly go for the jugular ) . Initially, people said that EQCA disinvited Black to avoid any drama—and Lance told people that he was asked not to go. All for naught, since Perez didn't even show up. And why would he? He's not known for supporting gay events. Days later, EQCA issued a statement that nobody was disinvited. They simply informed Black that Perez would be there. When they found out for sure Hilton was a no-show, they sent Black a text message. Are you kidding me? Are they a bunch of girls in high school saying, "The coast is clear. Come to the party now"? My God! To his credit, Black simply said he wouldn't be able to get there before the event ended, and declined. Someone mature and taking the high road ... a rarity, indeed.
Let's slip in a quick "Ask Billy" question. Gary in Indiana asks: "Are the rumors true that we will be seeing some gay action on 'True Blood' this season?"
Yes. Michael Steger from 90210 turns up for one episode as a gay hooker—my favorite kind of hooker! He's picked up by actor Denis O'Hare ( on the show, of course ) . Then there's a curious photo of Steven Moyer and Sam Trammell poised for a kiss which has made its way out of HBO. This surfaced with some sexy stills of the stunning Alexander Skarsgard. So, it sure seems likely. Check out all the eye candy on BillyMasters.com .
When a blogger trumps an Oscar winner, it's definitely time to end another column. So much dish, so little time. So you better check out www.BillyMasters.com—where I always give a little bit more. If that's not enough, you can drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I ever again utter the word Anoop! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
