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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

This article shared 2379 times since Wed Apr 7, 2010
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"I don't get it. I don't get it."—Kate Gosselin doesn't understand why people leave her or quit rather than put up with her crap. If she still doesn't get it, then she's the only one.

If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times—I'm psychic. For the past few weeks, I'd been trying to find a way to fit in the story about Ricky Martin doing "Evita" on Broadway. But something told me last week was the perfect time. My story hit the Internet and, within hours, the Latin lothario came out of the closet. Not that it was a surprise to anyone who frequents, but I like being timely.

While Ricky said his decision to come out at 38 years old was because he wanted to set a good example for his children, Sean Hayes had another reason for his announcement. No, not to get publicity for his Broadway debut in Promises, Promises—how cynical of you! I'm told that it was when his boyfriend got sick. According to the National Enquirer ( a publication that has been right more than wrong lately ) , Sean's boyfriend for the past four years has been designer David Phoenix. When David was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, Hayes realized that life is too short and decided to live a more open and honest life.

GLAAD has its panties in knot again. This time, the target is the Tribeca Film Festival—in particular its head honcho, Robert De Niro, and you know he ain't gonna back down. The festival has scheduled a transgender comedy called Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives, about a group of transgender women who become vigilantes after being beaten. GLAAD said the word "trannies" is not PC, and the film is not an accurate representation of the transgender community. Tribeca's response? "Tribeca is proud of its ongoing commitment to bring diverse voices and stories to its audiences." In other words—fuck off, GLAAD. Who asked ya?

As if it wasn't crystal clear that GLAAD is full of crap, they then announced that Adam Lambert will perform at the annual GLAAD Media Awards in Los Angeles. You may recall that after Adam's performance on the American Music Awards, GLAAD flooded the media with press releases every other second. They were on his side. Then they were on ABC's side. Then they were back on Adam's side. When the dust settled, they were somewhere in the middle. GLAAD can't afford to step on too many toes—they need money from corporate sponsors, and stars from right networks in order to throw these big events—to say nothing of keeping their coffers filled in order to take care of their well-paid execs. You might want to keep this in the back of your head the next time you're pondering who will best use your annual charitable donation. As for Adam, I suppose he sees performing at the awards as a vindication after being chastised. Personally, I wouldn't be quite as gracious.

Johnny Weir will be the special guest at an upcoming Equality California Fundraiser on Sunday, April 18. This group is fighting for marriage equality and other gay rights, and I am supporting them—for now. I put all you 501 ( c ) 3 organizations on notice. You do something stupid or show signs of being full of your own importance and you're going down...and not in the good way. Anyway, back to La Weir. His event is on April 18 at the home of someone with a lot of money in the Los Feliz area of Los Angeles. Very ritzy, but not very pretentious. I won't be there because, well, I wasn't invited. But enough about me—you can get more information about the group and this soirée at .

This isn't the only shindig Weir is involved in. He wants to put together a big ice extravaganza that would feature lots of gorgeous guy and girl skaters and spotlight Elton John and Lady Gaga singing. Someone must have been listening because Elton and Lady will join Sting and, in a rare U.S. appearance, Dame Shirley Bassey at Carnegie Hall in May. Alas, it's not a skating event. It's the 21st anniversary of the Rainforest Fund benefit, founded by Sting and wife Trudie Styler. If they took out a few seats and threw in a mini-rink, Johnny could show how ice can lead to endangered species—a cross-dressing swan has gotta count for something, goddamnit!

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from John in Grosse Pointe, Mich.: "I heard that Liam Hemsworth ( Miley's beau and co-star in The Last Song ) was on an Australian series called Satisfaction where he seduces a woman while nude and holding a banana. I found some pics, but not the video. Can you help?"

The series Satisfaction was an original drama for Showtime Australia dealing with the lives of high-class female escorts. When I read reviews saying that the sex scenes were "incredibly realistic," I immediately dug up the episodes with Liam. Although he was 18 at the time, his character is the 16-year-old son of a rich absentee father who hires and falls in love with a hooker roughly 10 years his senior. There is quite a bit of skin and Hemsworth looks as good as you'd expect—like the living and breathing embodiment of an A&F model ( if you're into that sorta thing ) . In one scene, he does indeed surprise his female friend from behind with said banana. When asked about filming the scene, Liam once said, "It was interesting, because I was butt-naked in front of a lot of people." He's gonna be butt-naked in front of many more once I share it—and all his scenes—on .

When we're going Down Under just for a banana, it's time to end yet another column. You know what's funny? When I mention someone's banana, traffic to skyrockets. When Ellen does it, someone gets booted from American Idol. I guess it's all in the delivery—or the banana. If you've got a problem that needs a bit of peeling, write me at and I promise to get back to you before GLAAD invites me to an event ( once you've publicly called for the dissolution of an organization, they tend to cross your name off the party list ) . So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.

This article shared 2379 times since Wed Apr 7, 2010
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