"Prison obviously agrees with you."—Billy Masters compliments Mark Dalton at his recent appearance at Micky's in West Hollywood. After being told he's looking for a good porn project, Masters observed, "Well, if nothing else, I'm sure we can now call you versatile!" Look for Billy's upcoming book: "How to Say Practically Anything to Anybody"!
I think it's safe to say that I'm in the midst of a media blitz. Last week, Access Hollywood. This week, The View. Lord only knows where I'll end up next—"Issues with Jane Valez-Mitchell" or "Axe Men," I reckon. Thanks to Sherri Shepherd, who so subversively tossed out "my friend, Billy Masters" without a single explanation—as if to say, "You don't know who he is? Where have you been?" Where, indeed.
I've been quite a number of places. We just had the annual gala for the Point Foundation, the nation's largest academic scholarship program for LGBT students. Emmy winner Cherry Jones was honored in a hysterical presentation by Lily Tomlin. Swoosie Kurtz and Adam Shankman did such a good job on stage, they should take their act on the road. And my darling Frenchie Davis brought down the house with a fab version of "I Am Changing." The uplifting evening raised oodles of dollars to help put deserving LGBT youth through college.
I also went to see the Odyssey Theatre's production of "The Receptionist"—which has been mounted as a vehicle for Megan Mullally. Hey, when Meg calls a 99-seat theatre and offers to do a show, the answer is, "Anything you want." The performance I was supposed to attend was cancelled because Mullally was in a car accident and broke her wrist. After two days off, some quick reblocking, a quickie rehearsal, and a number of pain pills, Megan and company were up and running and none the worse for wear. Calling this a "black comedy" would be like saying "Naked Boys Singing" has partial nudity. Oh, it's dark. It's also funny. It's also disturbing. And it's extended through Nov. 21. BTW, Megan is pretty busy these days—in addition to the play, she's also joined the cast of Party Down on the Starz network.
Megan ain't the only Will & Grace alum to be turning her attentions to theatre. We reported months ago that Sean Hayes was in talks to headline a Broadway revival of "Promises, Promises." At the time, Anne Hathaway was attached to the project and they did a hush-hush reading for some investors. But since she's doing both a film and stage musical about Judy Garland, she's currently unavailable. However, don't believe the reports that Scarlett Johansson will replace Hathaway. Despite what less-plugged-in scribes say, Johansson hasn't even been approached about the role. Who will get the role? If you ask me, I say Jessica Biel is the front runner—and since I'm thisclose with Timberlake, I think you can trust me.
Was Mark-Paul Gosselaar on steroids? Was Mario Lopez a rapist? So says former Saved by the Bell co-star Dustin Diamond. In a preview to his proposed autobio, he makes quite a few insinuations. About Gosselaar, he writes, "He suddenly exploded with manliness, loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month." Of Lopez, he says, "He hit on every co-star, every extra, every production assistant and every fan he found himself sitting next to." Clearly he means only females. Screech also says that network brass paid a teenage girl $50K in exchange for dropping some date-rape charges. Oh, the drama!
Do you remember model Joseph Sayers? He's the one who is, like, five feet tall, has a great body, and did those nude photos in a Florida motel room when he was a teenager. Well, I just described most of the male models in the biz. And, perhaps I'm slightly exaggerating...but not about the nudity or his body. Sayers is the new face/body/crack of Rufskin jeans, and the photos that have been leaked to us are proof that he's hotter than ever. We'll post those pics on BillyMasters.com . And, since I never get tired of looking at his hot cock, I'll post that too!
Our "Ask Billy" question this week is from Jay in Rhode Island: "Have you seen that guy from 'Kyle XY' is on 'Eastwick'? What do you know about him? Will he be showing more skin on the show?"
You mean our little Matt Dallas? Yes, he's maturing quite nicely, indeed. And, in person, he's a scruffy little thing. I was recently behind him in a grocery store check-out line. He was buying two six-packs of beer. I had a pound of pastrami. Anyhoo, he's looking good on Eastwick, a show I'm enjoying—it's like if Charmed took place on Wisteria Lane. But, if you want to see a different side of Matt, go to BillyMasters.com and you can watch a video of him being taken out in the middle of the night, shirtless, hosed down, and buried alive—all courtesy of photographer Tyler Shields. It's all very intriguing, disturbing, and yet sexy. Have some tissues handy.
Could it be that sexy James Franco is joining the cast of "General Hospital? As implausible as it may seem, the answer is yes. While the actor is taking classes at NYU ( where he's taking a course in Queer Cinema, btw ) , he wants to flex his thespianistic muscles—which sounds kinda dirty to me. He'll debut Nov. 20 and do a handful of appearances over the next few months as a business associate of Steve Burton's. That sounds dirty, too.
When no one is wondering what ever happened to Dustin Diamond, it's definitely time to end yet another column. And back to me—I've got some news—it looks like I'm going to be spending quite a bit of October down in San Diego. Despite my previous publication hitting the skids ( and, the courts from what I hear ) , I'm more popular than ever with our Southland hotties. On Oct. 14, I will be at FilmOut San Diego at the Birch North Park Theatre for a special screening of "Mommie Dearest." Not only that, but I'm the celebrity judge for a Joan Crawford look-a-like contest! Details can be found at www.FilmOutSanDiego.com . The following week, I'll be at Universal Hillcrest for the launch of an online gay publication—SDGLN.com . So, if you're in the neighborhood, come by and say hi. To keep track of all my comings and goings, go to www.BillyMasters.com . And if you've got a question, write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Sean Penn turns up on As the World Turns! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
