"I've watched since the beginning, and I've always been a huge fan. So getting this job is a dream come true. And think of all the money I'll save from not having to text in my vote."—Ellen DeGeneres on joining the cast of "American Idol."
OK, I was wrong. There, I said it—shocking those of you who think I'm either completely infallible or completely delusional. Obviously when I predicted that Paula Abdul would be back on "American Idol," I was as wrong as any of those psychics working for Dionne Warwick. Ellen DeGeneres will be filling the vacant judge's seat—and getting significantly more money than Paula was ( to say nothing of a five-year contract ) . Personally, I think it's a good fit. She'll represent what fans think, she's nice, but has the backbone to go up against Simon Cowell. And she clearly knows a thing or two about the pop music scene. She gets my vote—but my heart belongs to Paula.
Every year I look forward to the Jerry Lewis Telethon with unnatural exuberance. This year, I believe the theme of the show was "bitter" with a side order of "hatefulness." I think it's common knowledge that Jerry Lewis ain't no walk in the park. This year, his on-camera outbursts were quite extensive, with his crew repeatedly taking quite a tongue-lashing ( something I usually enjoy, but enough about my sex life ) . The highlight of the weekend had to be Charo's cover of "Don't Stop The Music" by Rihanna. But she didn't just sing it. There was a whole interpretive dance—some of it on stage, some of it on Jerry's lap, and some of it in the audience as she tried to drag people out of wheelchairs! You've got to see it to believe it—on BillyMasters.com, of course.
Since I was in Fort Lauderdale over Labor Day, I had to be at the Black Party at VooDoo Lounge because the featured performer was my buddy, Deborah Cox. The diva looked fabulous and sounded even better, giving the capacity crowd a mini concert. When we caught up after the show, I was thrilled to hear she's returning to Broadway. One of my fondest theatrical memories was seeing Deborah in "Aida." She's waited for the right vehicle, and it's come along—she's signed on as the lead in "Josephine," an original musical about Josephine Baker. The show is being written as we speak and aiming to hit Broadway in early 2011.
Public displays of same-sex affection are running rampant in Europe. George Clooney was at the Venice Film Festival taking questions at a press conference when he got more than he bargained for. One reporter appeared very nervous and George, being no fool, said, "I know what the question is." The guy then exclaimed, "I am gay George." As the man wrestled to get out of his clothes, George said, "Here it comes." The guy continued, "I am in love with you George. Please take me. Choose me, George. Please, George, may I kiss you? Just one kiss." At that point, the organizers ushered the guy from the proceedings. Good-natured Clooney just gave that Cheshire cat smile and said, "It's hard when you take a big chance and it doesn't really work. It's a good try, though. You know, the tie looks good." Happily, the whole episode was caught on a video we'll post on BillyMasters.com .
That untalented Robert Pattinson is running into his share of same-sex fans. "There's a few male 'Twilight' fans. More and more guys ask me for autographs in fact. Unless they're only doing it to sell them on eBay." Sigh....these boys are always the last to know.
Our "Ask Billy" question is from someone quite enamored with 'True Blood." Kevin in San Diego says: "I miss you in Gay and Lesbian Times, but glad to be reading you online. Do you know anything about Allan Hyde [ who played 'Godric' ] on 'True Blood'? It seems like he's history, but I hope not."
My San Diego fans are incredibly important to me and I want you all to know that if I'm not in your paper, it is not my choice. You might want to contact the powers that be—while you still can. As to "True Blood," that show sure has its share of hotties. Regarding Allan Hyde, the Danish actor does appear to be gone...but not forgotten. Your query forced me to get out there and find some photos to post—which I did. I also found a short film he did in Denmark called "Sidste Kys," which is kinda difficult to explain. He plays a tormented young man who is naked, erect, ashamed, and holding a cheese grater. That's never a good combination—dick in one hand, cheese grater in the other. Before anything icky happens, you can see it all on BillyMasters.com .
Could it be that a certain sudsy siren of the Sapphic persuasion is with child? Well, yes and no. You see, there's not a chance she'd allow a man down there. And carrying a child yourself is such a 90s lipstick lesbian concept. Instead, she went the Deidre Hall route and hired a surrogate ( in fact, that's a damn good comparison ) . While the surrogate is carrying our daytime diva's egg, she's been mum about the sperm donor. We hear it's her best friend—that equally cagey same-sex lovin' guy who's her confidant, on screen and off. Keeping it all in the family.
When our blind item ain't so young but still restless, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Can I just toot my own horn for a second? Assuming I can reach it, that is. Every week I tell you people to check out www.BillyMasters.com . Well, I am thrilled to say that you actually listen to me—and in record numbers. Over Labor Day weekend, people came out in droves and our numbers went through the roof. I can officially say that while other sites are waning in popularity, we're busier than ever—and it's all thanks to you. And me, of course—this is a two way street. It ain't no "Project One Way." No siree! So, more than ever I want to remind you that if you've got a question, just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Allan Hyde turns up on the Food Network! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
