"Why do people want to be on MyFace?" —Barbara Walters ( pictured ) asks the question which has been on all of our minds. Joy's quick retort? "Do they really want to be on your face, Barbara?"
Who watched The Bachelor? Hands, I want to see hands. I am almost embarrassed to say that I got completely caught up in what was most certainly the most dramatic "After The Final Rose" ceremony EVAH! I was watching the East Coast feed when I saw the train wreck unfold before my very eyes. You'd think it was impossible for someone to go from being one of the most beloved men in America to one of the most hated in a matter of seconds, but Jason ( Mesnick, pictured ) did it. A poll on TVGuide.com overwhelmingly declared him a bastard. Even Bret Michaels ( no paragon of virtue himself ) advised, "He better hide his car because it's about to get keyed!" I think Ellen DeGeneres summed the whole thing up nicely—"God, you straight people are ... I don't know. You can keep your word 'marriage' ... whatever that is. What is wrong with you people?"
An upcoming episode of Desperate Housewives will include a same-sex kiss between Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria. Teri has gone on record as calling it "fun". "I did not kiss her. She kissed me." Longoria has this to say about Hatcher: "She was not supposed to kiss back, so she was kind of just there and I had to do all the work." I had a boyfriend like that once.
We hear Jesse Metcalfe will soon be back on the show. Don't get too excited—he only filmed one short scene. Photos of Metcalfe headed to the set with a mighty slim script were captured by the paparazzi and are on our site.
Let's move onto something really important—like Dancing with the Stars. We've all heard about Jewel and Nancy O'Dell's injuries. Another contestant, sexy Gilles Marini, was rushed to the doctor after an injury which he described as "like a knife next to your thing"—and I think we all know what "thing" he's referring to ( the one you can see on BillyMasters.com ) . Turns out he pulled his groin. I pulled a groin once, but that's another story. Have no fear—Marini ain't quitting. In fact, he's planning on wearing the skimpiest costume ever. "It's tight. I'm going to have to tape my thing close to my thigh so it won't show." There's that thing again!
Is Jodie Foster gonna be on a reality show? Kinda. She was recently caught by the Beverly Hills Police doing 54 miles per hour in a 35 zone. She didn't particularly mind being pulled over. But she allegedly freaked out when she came face-to-face with television cameras filming a new reality show "Speeders"! Jodie refused to sign the waiver, which means the footage can't be used. Damn.
My buddy Sherri Shepherd is an awfully busy gal. In addition to her daily gig on The View, she pops up occasionally on 30 Rock as Tracy Morgan's wife. She also makes films during her down time ( including the acclaimed Precious, which just won the audience award at Sundance ) . Now she's developed a sitcom for Lifetime based on life since her divorce and will be shooting the pilot any day now. Congrats, honey.
We keep hearing that Logo has no money, which explains why we get very little original programming, and what there is looks like it was shot with someone's camcorder. And, yet, it's Logo to the rescue. Sarah Silverman refused to sign her new contract unless Comedy Central upped the budget for her show. Things seemed to be at a standstill until Logo jumped in and offered to pick up the difference in exchange for the right to run the show after Comedy Central. The price tag? $250K per episode—which is more than they spent on the entire season of Drag Race.
This week's "Ask Billy" question is from Karl in Boston: "Thanks for writing about Dustin Lance Black. I cried during his Oscar acceptance speech. Does he have a boyfriend? He's so cute and looks like he has a nice body!"
To the best of my knowledge, Lance ( he goes by his middle name ) is single—proving that cute, talented and successful doesn't necessarily lead to a robust romantic life ( ain't that the truth ) . I can confirm that underneath that tux, he has quite a rockin' bod—as the kids would say. Apparently, a photo of a topless Lance that auteur Gus Van Sant took during the filming of "Milk" is wending its way through the Web. It landed right in our waiting lap and can be found on BillyMasters.com . Definitely worth a look ( or two ) .
Could it be that a certain bearded lady is sporting a bit of stubble? So say sources close to the buoyant babe who tell me that she's moved on from her messy marital machinations by stepping out with a well-known gay blade who's dated his share of Sapphic senoritas. When the pretty palomino began showing off her legal eagle stud to friends, they warned the dazed ditz that she's repeating her past mistakes. She simply laughed and says, "Don't you think I'd know if he was gay?" Umm...NO!
When I'm using the words slim and Jesse Metcalfe in the same sentence, it's time to end yet another column. Here's another one of those little fun facts I like to throw out there—didya know that Sherri Shepherd's first time doing stand up was at a gay club here in West Hollywood? Back when the Lovely Carol hosted The Gong Show at Rage, Sherri won 21 times!! For more inside dish, check out www.BillyMasters.com on a regular basis—you never know when I'll shake things up. If you've got a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Jodie turns up on a very special episode of Cops! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
