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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters on The Real Magic Mike and more
by Billy Masters
2021-04-12

This article shared 646 times since Mon Apr 12, 2021
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"As a Republican man, as soon as it was my turn, I took the vaccine. I would encourage all Republican men to do that … take the vaccination."—Mitch McConnell encourages Republicans to get the COVID vaccine. Correction: He encourages Republican MEN to get the vaccine. The women are on their own.

Greetings from Florida—or, as I like to call it, Ground Zero. I understand that people have pent-up energy from social distancing, but one man found a creative form of companionship. The headline is what caught my eye—"Florida Man Caught Pleasuring Himself with Produce." Police in Tampa were called to a townhouse where a man was found lying outside unconscious after "using a pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating." So many questions. First up, he was found at 4 p.m.—why, it wasn't even happy hour! I also noted that the pickle wasn't even taken into evidence. And, what is the man's religion? If he's Jewish, perhaps he used kosher dill!

Inquiring minds have wondered about the status of Lady Gaga's dog walker. As you'll recall, Ryan Fischer was shot while bringing Gaga's pooches out for their evening constitutional. Two of the pups were dognapped, and Ryan was left bleeding on the sidewalk. Everyone talked about the dogs being retrieved—but nobody ever told us what happened to Ryan. Leave it to your beloved Billy to sniff out the story. Ryan remained in the hospital for just over a month. The delay was due to his lungs collapsing. OUCH! He needed emergency surgery, but is now resting comfortably at home.

You've gotta hand it to the Brits. While the US is still dickering over what portrait of Harriet Tubman should grace a redesigned $20 bill (which we hear it is a priority of the Biden administration), the Brits have selected a visage of Alan Turing for their shiny new 50-pound note. The famed mathematician is known as the father of modern computers and helped the Allies beat the Nazis by cracking their code. Since being gay was a crime, Turing was later arrested and charged with gross indecency. He made a deal to avoid prison by agreeing to be chemically castrated with female hormones—which made him grow breasts and go somewhat mad. He took his own life in 1954, at the age of 41. The new 50=pound note with his image will be released June 23, 2021.

The Brits are not amused by the wall-to-wall coverage of Prince Philip's death. They were especially ticked off when the season finale of MasterChef was delayed. Then they won't like "Billy Masters LIVE." Back when Joan Rivers had her daytime show, she had gossip columnists on at the top of every episode. One of my favorites was Richard Mineards, so I invited him to be on our show this week to talk about Harry and Meghan. And then Prince Philip dies! Then Harry announces he'll attend the funeral stag! So much to dish to dissect. Don't miss this special royal installment of "Billy Masters LIVE," which you can watch on YouTube channel Billy Masters TV or on BillyMasters.com/TV.

Last week, Ruta Lee was deliciously dishy! We talked about Marlene Dietrich, Elizabeth Taylor, Lucille Ball, Debbie Reynolds, Clint Eastwood and oodles of others. Ruta is one of the last stars from Hollywood's Golden Age—and her new book, Consider Your Ass Kissed, is a great read. And #2 in Amazon pre-orders.

If all of this daytime chatter doesn't pique your interest, perhaps a reality show based on Magic Mike will be more to your liking (or licking). The Real Magic Mike will be on HBO Max, executive-produced by Channing Tatum and director Steven Soderbergh. The series promises to transform alleged "real men" into "real-life Magic Mikes." It also aspires to be inspirational—the 10 chosen contestants will have to bare their bodies and souls. The winner will be crowned "The Real Magic Mike" and will be invited to perform with "Magic Mike Live" on stage in Las Vegas. The show is slated to debut by year's end.

Speaking of "Magic Mike," did you read that Michael Strahan closed his iconic tooth gap (which could help that pesky lisp)? Turns out, it was just an April Fools' joke. The gap (and lisp) remain.

Sexy men are a perfect segue to our "Ask Billy" question. Harry in Texas writes, "I heard that Ronen Rubinstein just came out. What do you know about him? Does he have a boyfriend?"

Hold your horses, cowboy. The Israeli actor from 9-1-1: Lone Star did make an announcement—but he came out as bi: "I fully identify as bisexual. I literally just got goosebumps saying that." Apparently, he's had an inkling since high school. "I was aware of my feelings and how I started looking at men, but I couldn't talk to anybody about it." Alas, he also revealed he has a girlfriend. So, why the big announcement? He said, "I wanted people to know that this is a hopeful and a happy story." I'm hopeful that he'll eventually date a happy dude. You want a real happy ending? Go to BillyMasters.com, where we'll post some sexy shots of Ronen.

When I'm in need of some CPR from a hot EMT, it's definitely time to end yet another column. If you need a bit of TLC, check out BillyMasters.com—the site guaranteed to get your heart racing. For all your non-emergency needs, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I find myself in a pickle—or a pickle is found in me! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 646 times since Mon Apr 12, 2021
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