"Imagine this little girl in the backseat of a white Ford Focus. Look into her eyes—you see a queer, openly queer woman of color. An Afro-Latina, who found her strength in life through art. And that's what I believe we're here to celebrate. So to anybody who has ever questioned your identity, ever, ever, ever, or find yourself living in the grey spaces, I promise you this — there is, indeed, a place for us."—Ariana DeBose makes history in winning the Best Supporting Actress Oscar for West Side Story.
Another year, another Academy Awards. At least this one kinda resembled the Oscars. It's hard not to love an internationally televised award show that starts by mentioning one of my best friends. Wanda Sykes made a joke that one of the honorary honorees had never done a rom-com. And she came up with the only actress who could hold her own opposite Samuel L. Jackson: Jenifer Lewis. Even in absentia, Miss Lewis steals the show—that is, until the camera panned to Timothee Chalamet, sporting an outfit nearly identical to what two of Liza Minnelli's husbands wore on their wedding day! They would have loved him … I mean it! Speaking of Liza, I bet most of you thought the next time you'd see her at an Oscars would be during the "In Memoriam." How wrong you were ... although this was close. Shades of Elizabeth exclaiming, Gladiator, or Faye and La La Land! Don't get me wrong: I love Liza as much as … well, as much as those gay men she married. But this bordered on elder abuse.
The technical people were working overtime. During the monologue, Wanda said, "For you people in Florida, we're gonna have a gay night," and then the three hosts kept saying "gay" (and note this was on ABC—a Disney-owned network). While the audience applauded, the cameramen panned to a smiling Denzel, an applauding Spielberg and a very uncomfortable-looking Travolta! They quickly jumped to a jubilant Nicole Kidman, who has lots of experience saying "gay!" On that subject, special congrats to Jessica Chastain, not only for her win but her using her brief time on stage to speak on behalf of the LGBTQ community—particularly LGBTQ+ youth.
I have a few things to say about the most talked-about moment of the Oscars. Of all the jokes that could have been made, GI Jane 2 is the least offensive. And when you think about it, it's actually a compliment ...'cause you're implying Jada Pinkett Smith could carry a film! For those of you who didn't see it (the uncensored clip is on BillyMasters.com), let me recap. Will Smith jumped on stage, skulked over to Chris Rock and slapped him. A slap? Really? Calm down, gurl. Even Chris seemed surprised, saying, "Wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me." Will then said, "Keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth." I believe Chris and I thought of the same quick retort—which was about things going into mouths. Rock wisely kept his mouth shut. But this begs the question—where were the bouncers? Because I can tell you from experience: That's the Oscars' fault. I've performed in hundreds of venues, and if an audience member took a step toward me—as many have—the club's goons would be on you before you got your club foot on the club stage. Learn your craft, Academy!
Obviously, the Oscars are the pinnacle of the awards season—and if there's one thing we love, it's awards. So this week's "Billy Masters LIVE" will tell all about Oscar. We'll be discussing the ceremony, the winners, the losers, the speeches, the dresses and the drama—in short, all the dish. Who better to have on an Oscars show than the writer of the lion's share of 'em: Bruce Vilanch? Also joining us will be the sexy Karl Schmid, one of the hosts of On the Red Carpet, for LA's ABC affiliate. Tune in on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV or on BillyMasters.com/TV.
We've talked a lot about Taron Egerton's cock … or, rather, his appearance in the West End play Cock. As you'll recall, he passed out during the first preview and was replaced by his understudy. Apparently being Taron's understudy is a pretty good gig, 'cause Egerton's out again. The producers explain: "Taron Egerton has unfortunately tested positive for COVID. In accordance with the production's health and safety protocols, he will now isolate and we expect Taron to return to the show next week."
This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Thom in Baltimore: "I just saw a photo of Steve Grand in a thong where you can basically see everything. Does he still sing? Has he ever [shown] all?"
It's a curious thing: It seems every gay man knows Steve Grand, but no one can sing one of his songs. But they can all tell me about his every bulge and vein … which are, as Thom stated, clearly seen on the cover of the current issue of DNA magazine. As to showing all, he's not done that … yet. For the most part you can see an outline of his nether regions in many of his underwear shots. (His manhood is usually enhanced with a ring of some sort.) The latest photo is practically see-through, as you can on BillyMasters.com .
When we can start with an Oscar and end with a wiener, it's time to end yet another column. Like the Academy Awards, we ran long. For everything that was cut for time, check out BillyMasters.com—the site that never censors. If you need something a bit more personal, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before the Academy hires some bouncers—or at the very least, a referee! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
