Finland's Remi Lindholm after completing the 50-kilometer cross-country skiing event at the Olympics. Perhaps his penis wouldn't be so cold if he hadn't finished 28th! Getting indoors didn't help much.
"You can guess which body part was a little bit frozen when I finished. … It was one of the worst competitions I've been in. When the body parts started to warm up after the finish, the pain was unbearable."
So, the Olympics are over. Ho-hum. I didn't watch a thing. Sure, I enjoy seeing athletes in Lycra as much as the next gay man. But I don't want to spend another evening playing "Are those goosebumps or testicles?" Meanwhile, Celebrity Big Brother is meandering to a lackluster close. As of this writing, Todrick Hall still has a chance of winning. Regardless of the outcome, he's raised his visibility amongst average Americans … assuming anyone other than me was watching.
Remember when we first heard about Gus Kenworthy? He had lots of endorsement deals and was featured in commercials as a proud U.S. Olympian—resplendent with red, white and blue. Now he's limping to the end of his Olympic career … for England—still sporting red, white and blue. Sure, he was born in England and is a credit to his sport. But, I dunno: I find it all just a bit distasteful—not that I've tasted him … recently. One reporter said that Gus "skied the way he wanted." Apparently, that included tumbling during the men's halfpipe finals. Shortly after that wipeout, he got through his final run on his feet—and then lifted his jacket to show off … not some skin, but a skintight gray T-shirt that read, "Openly British" on his left part of his chest. Oh, that Gus—such a scallywag.
Should anyone be keeping track, there were a record 36 openly gay Olympians in Beijing. Six of those came from the United States (not counting Gus) and eight from Canada. The Canadians included the dashing Eric Radford, who was the first openly gay man to win gold at a Winter Olympics back in 2018. One must also mention little Jason Brown, twirling his heart out for a personal best. Timothy LeDuc was the first non-binary Winter Olympian. Lastly, I would think curling would attract more gays. But sexy Bruce Mouat is the only gay in that sport—as captain of the British team. I once had a nasty curling incident but, eventually, you learn to unplug it.
Could somebody do some testing on Channing Tatum? He continues to boggle the mind. One week, the paparazzi snap him jogging shirtless through the streets, appearing to be well into his second trimester. A few weeks later, he's sporting cut abs and chiseled cheekbones. I assume he's aided either by some photographic skullduggery or some "medicine" heretofore only available to Russian Olympians. Either way, I'm in—whatever the price. Tatum recently did a photoshoot for VMan magazine where he appears to have turned back time—and not in the Cher way. Sure, he's not completely naked. For those photos, you've got to go to BillyMasters.com .
He's probably getting back into shape for Magic Mike's Last Dance. He's described this latest installment as the "Super Bowl of stripping." As someone who hosted male strip shows for years, I can assure you that most of my boys wouldn't cut it at Arthur Murray (which, I realize, is a reference only Joy Behar could appreciate). And Tatum agrees: "I want dancing like we've never been able to do in the other two movies, because we had to be honest to what the reality of that world is, which isn't great dancing." Of course, rarely did my dancers look as good as Chan in his prime. An exception would be a very young pre-porn Ryan Idol—who, by the by, has recently been released from prison. But that's another story for another time.
Speaking of male strippers, we've got some casting news about Hulu's Immigrant, the origin story of The Chippendales. The always lovely Andrew Rannells will play a rich investor who becomes a love interest for one of the strippers. Would that the stripper in question be played by Tuc Watkins.
I promised you it would happen, and now it has—Will and Sonny are returning to Days of Our Lives. The couple last appeared on Days of Our Lives: Beyond Salem this past fall, with Chandler Massey as Sonny and Zach Tinker as the recast Will. The same duo will turn up on daytime "Days" this week—alongside the lovely Greg Rikaart, who is apparently taking a hiatus from his work on The Young and the Restless.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Gary in Houston: "Did you see that footage of the hot guy jumping into the water to save a dog? I heard there's a video. Can you track it down?"
The incident in question took place two weeks ago at the Kal'mius River in Donetsk, Ukraine. (We're nothing if not topical.) Two dogs were walking across the icy river. The ice cracked, and one dog fell in and got entangled in some branches. The other dog stood on the ice howling, which attracted some people. Out of the crowd, a hunky Ukrainian do-gooder stripped to his undies, waded into the water and saved the petrified pup. Of course, I will share the footage on BillyMasters.com .
When an icy Ukranian is getting me all hot and bothered, it's definitely time to end yet another column. While I try to cool off, why don't you check out BillyMasters.com—the site that isn't opposed to doing it doggie-style. If you have a question, send it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Gus shows off his Cockney. So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
