"Once again I am caught in the glare of ageism and misogyny that permeates the world we live in. A world that refuses to celebrate women past the age of 45."—Madonna.
I don't know what 45-year-old woman she's talking about. Certainly it's not an autobiographical statement from the 64-year-old pop star. If so, boy, has she struggled the past two decades!
Leave it to Madonna to turn her disastrous appearance at the Grammys into an ageist, misogynistic attack. I am not going to criticize the Material Girl's looks—although she's been known to take potshots about the appearance of other females in the industry. When you show up looking like a cross between Heidi: The Golden Years and Frau Blucher, you should anticipate a few raised eyebrows—at least from people who still can raise their eyebrows!
The person I feel bad for is poor Bonnie Raitt, who won Song of the Year more than three decades after winning Album of the Year for Nick of Time. The Daily Mail ran the headline, "Shock as unknown blues singer beats Beyoncé, Adele and Taylor Swift to win Song of the Year at the Grammys." Unknown? Oh, the humanity!
This year, the Grammys honored The Supremes with a Lifetime Achievement Award. This was not Diana Ross and the Supremes. This was not even the 70s Supremes—from which Diane plucked two backup singers for her Return to Love Tour. No, the Grammys paid tribute to the classic Supremes lineup—Mary Wilson, Florence Ballard, and Diane Ross (as she was called). Although they were nominated twice, The Supremes never won a Grammy (it should be added that Miss Ross never won one, either). One would imagine that the sole surviving member would be there to graciously accept this honor. And one would be wrong. The award was accepted by two people—the daughter of Mary Wilson (who is also Diane's goddaughter) and one of Florence Ballard's daughters (the one Ross clutched at Flo's funeral). You know who wasn't there? Miss Ross! Surely one of Diane's kids could have filled in. OK, maybe not Tracee. But what does Chudney have to do? Or those Naess boys?
Can we briefly go back to that old woman? And by that, I mean Madonna. Vanilla Ice shared some dish about their eight-month romance—and who doesn't like three-decade-old dish? Ironically, we mentioned Ice in our recent conversation with Paul Lekakis on Billy Masters LIVE.
Vanilla claims that Madonna proposed to him. "I mean things were going so crazy and fast, man. I was just like, 'What? I thought the guy was supposed to do it. Wait a minute, this is too fast.'" He adds, "I was just getting started here, and I'm way too young for this." It should be added that Ice was nine years younger than Madonna at the time. Not sure what their age difference is now.
Proving that the crabapple doesn't fall far from the old, withered, decrepit tree, Lourdes Leon was barred from Marc Jacobs' NYC fashion show. It's not that she didn't have a ticket. It's that Lourdes showed up late, and when they say, "Latecomers will not be seated," they mean it. While she begged with security at the door, people in the crowd yelled, "Don't you know who she is?" Many started chanting "Let her in"—to no avail. Adding insult to injury, the whole episode was captured on video—which, of course, you can see on BillyMasters.com .
This leads perfectly into a story about the talented 59-year-old designer (again, a mere tyke compared to Madge). Jacobs recently revealed that he got a facelift, and the person who leaked the story to the press was Marc himself! "I prefer to be as honest and upfront as I possibly can because it helps me to live a better life. I don't want secrets and I don't want shame in my life, so I revealed the truth for myself. It makes me feel better but also when other people decide to talk shit, I'm like, 'You can't really say anything I haven't already said myself.'" He added, "There's no shame in being vain." He's so vain, I bet he thinks this story's about him!
File this under "Believe it or not"—Barbra is close to completing her long-awaited memoir. Streisand has been working on her autobiography for close to a decade. While I don't expect we're gonna get much in terms of juicy dish, insight, or revelations, My Name is Barbra is scheduled to be released on Nov. 7.
Channing Tatum had a devil of a time getting camera-ready for the latest "Magic Mike" flick. I've previously suggested that he's made some sort of diabolical deal. One day, he'll be photographed on the beach looking like Sam Smith's stunt double. The next day, he's all tits and abs on the set. How does he do it? He ain't telling—but we feel his pain. And that is a pain on his ass, courtesy of a bite he received while making the film, "Dog." We hear that covering the blemish wasn't easy. "It was a proper 20-minute job working on his bum," says an insider. Let the record show that Channing's bum needs only 20 minutes. Mine requires twice as much attention.
When I've got guys lining up for my derrière, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I'll be hauling my ass on the road for the next couple of weeks, but I'm always delivering fresh dish on www.BillyMasters.com —the site that doesn't care how old you are. If you'd like to reach out and touch me, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I work on Channing's ass (which I'm sure he'd enjoy). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
