"That's really hard, because Brad was the sort of major chemistry, love of your life, at the time. And then Ben was, like, technically excellent." —Gwyneth Paltrow compares Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck in bed. Sounds like Ben has moves.
Being of a certain age, I've had my nether regions extensively examined. Recently, I was told that one particular organ was in great shape because it was surprisingly small. Happily, the organ in question was my prostate. This good news would have carried more weight had the examiner been a medical professional.
As of this writing, the Tony Awards will not be televised due to the Writers Guild strike. Yes, believe it or not, professionals actually write the terrible banter you hear on all awards shows.
I mean no disrespect to members of the Writers Guild—of which I am a member. However, some shows could probably come off quite well without professional assistance. Sure, we might miss some witty repartee. But, I firmly believe Audra McDonald is more than capable of going on stage, announcing the people nominated for Best Choreographer, opening an envelope, and reading the winner.
But in this scenario, Audra would have to cross a picket line, which I suspect she'd be loath to do. If the show is not aired, then the writers won't picket. So we could very well have a non-televised Tonys. Which brings up the age-old question—if an award is presented in private, did anyone really win anything?
Anita Baker is in the midst of a farewell tour. Where is she going? And why? No one knows. Her opening act is Babyface—who is actually the co-headliner since he's probably a bigger name than her. The twosome were due to appear at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey last week. The show was delayed two hours due to "technical difficulties"—which I hear stem from a malfunctioning video wall at the back of Baker's set. Because of this snafu, Baker asked Babyface not to perform - because the show had to end at the scheduled time or it would result in enormous overtime (once again, a union thing). Babyface let people know this was not his choice. "I was asked not to perform in order to give Ms. Baker her space and time to perform her show in its entirety. My band and I are extremely saddened we didn't get to perform for y'all tonight."
His fans were pissed and, let's face it—most of the audience was there to see him, anyway. Someone pointed out that the diva has done this before: "Anita Baker needs to stop having co-headliners if she going to continue to act this way. She did this a while back with Maxwell." I say Maxwell and Babyface should do their own tour!
Our pal Gio Benitez has a new gig. He'll co-anchor "Good Morning America" on Saturdays and Sundays, which I didn't even know existed. He'll be joining co-hosts Whit Johnson and Janai Norman—two names I've never heard of before. Eh, Gio's getting paid, so that makes me happy. But don't expect me to get up at 7 a.m. on a weekend to tune in.
Didya know there's a gay Kennedy? Well, there's a few. But we're talking about Caroline Schlossberg—JFK's handsome daughter who used to amble out and welcome people to the "Kennedy Center Honors." Guess what? She's got herself a lesbian daughter!
Rose Schlossberg married a woman last year. How did I miss that? Her wife, Rory McAuliffe, owns a restaurant and bar in Ojai, California imaginatively named Rory's Place. Apparently Rory and Rose were dating for about eight years before tying the knot in front of 300 family and friends. The ceremony was officiated by Tim Shriver, Rose's cousin. So why am I bringing this all up now? According to sources, the couple wants to have kids. "Rose and Rory are on the lookout for the perfect guy to serve as a sperm donor."
A report in Rolling Stone cites unnamed workers on The Kelly Clarkson Show as being bullied, intimidated, overworked and traumatized by the show's "monster" producers.
Kelly took to Instagram to respond to the allegations. "In my 20 years in the entertainment industry, I've always led with my heart and what I believe to be right. I love my team at 'The Kelly Clarkson Show,' and to find out that anyone is feeling unheard and or disrespected on this show is unacceptable." And to think it took 15 years before anyone at "Ellen" spoke up!
This week we got not one but two "Ask Billy" questions about the butts of famous siblings—both named Dylan! The first was from Dan in Chicago, who asked about Dylan Efron showing off his assets on a now-deleted social media post. The second was from Rafi in Boston, who asked about Dylan Sprouse dropping trou in a flick.
Turns out there's a connection. Zac's baby brother is playing a wrestler in The Iron Claw, and Dylan plays an MMA fighter in Beautiful Disaster. I dunno how good either project is, but both butts get a thumbs up on BillyMasters.com .
When only our proctologist knows for sure, it's definitely time to end another column. There are a hole lotta things to check out on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that knows which end is up! If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I go out on strike! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
