Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2022-10-10

This article shared 538 times since Mon Oct 10, 2022
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


"If only I'd taken that job at Camp Lejeune."—Billy Masters

You know how people often say that you can't tell if someone is gay by just looking at them? Well, I'm here to tell you that's a load of crap. Sure, there are exceptions. And then there's Herschel Walker's son, Christian. Why, even Helen Keller could tell. (I'd think of a more timely reference, but a Helen Keller joke is an evergreen.) He didn't even have to talk. I saw a still photo of Christian and thought it was of either a gay man or a really pretty extra from The Woman King.

Come closer: I want to share a secret with you. Don't tell anyone I told you, but everyone who is funny wants to be pretty, and every pretty person wants to be funny. The second part isn't always true—because if you're pretty, you probably don't care if you're funny. And then there's Bros—which is definitely funny, but not always pretty. I think Billy Eichner is wildly talented and outrageously funny. He is, in essence, the film's biggest asset … and liability. An industry insider told me that for a theatrically released rom-com to work, the lead has to be a big name or fuckable—"and nobody considers Billy Eichner fuckable," continued the source. And I don't say that as a bad thing. I am probably not considered "fuckable"—certainly not for a wide opening (with the exception of some Jewish holidays). As a performer, you simply have to know your brand. Take Kathy Griffin. She's hysterically funny. And, at times, she's not bad to look at. But she's not going to be cast as the lead in a rom-com. The best friend? Yes. The caustic sidekick? Sure. A romantic lead? Nope.

That's not to say Bros isn't funny or entertaining or appealing. It is all of those things—but first you've got to get people to buy a ticket. And the marketing campaign didn't help. Billy spent most of his interviews talking about how historic it was—a major theatrically released film with a gay lead and an entirely gay cast. Alas, that doesn't sell tickets. Harvey Fierstein echoed this point, according to Deadline: "Is this a history lesson or a movie? I didn't think it was smart." It's been noted that Eichner has made his name by not being particularly likable. Again, not a bad thing. He's done very well with this persona—everyone loves a bitchy queen, especially one as quick-witted as Billy. When the film opened, the gays showed up. Like all rom-coms, it gave average people hope that a Luke Macfarlane would fall for them! But here's the $5-million question (which is what the film brought in its opening weekend): How many of them thought, "Where can I find me a Billy Eichner?" Hands? I rest my case. I predict it will do HUGE numbers on streaming—much to Eichner's chagrin.

Here's something we don't talk about nearly enough—poppers! That's because in many states they are so damn hard to come by … unless you're at a Lil Nas X concert. And you know what that means—fucking in the audience! The rapper posted the following: "I said stop doing poppers, cauz ya asshole don't need to be open while I sing my depression album cuts if yall wanna do weed, molly, shrooms, paint, gasoline [etc]. Knock yourself tf out." Let me make one thing crystal clear—if you wanna do poppers when you see me, go for it … as long as you share!

Get ready for the return of "Billy Masters LIVE." We took the summer off, and then forgot to come back. Look, I have a life (especially when people bring poppers around). We kick off the fall season with James Gavin, author of the best-selling biography George Michael—A Life. Not only is it a great and revealing book about the late singer, but it also features some titillating stories that include moi! Tune in Thursday, Oct. 13, at 2 p.m. CT. You can watch on BillyMasters.com/TV or on YouTube.com/BillyMastersTV. See you there!

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Rob in Miami: "What do you know about Charlie Puth? I heard there's a nude photo of him on a swing. Is he gay or just gay-friendly?"

I get a lot of questions about Charlie, who has been accused of "queerbaiting." He claims to be inspired by gay culture—particularly the type of music being played in gay clubs (which, apparently, is different). He's allegedly heterosexual and apologizes for his thirsty posts, which are not meant "to antagonize anybody." He just wants to show off the efforts of his very expensive training sessions. As to the swing photo, he is nude—but only from the back. This begs the question: What is he training his ass to do? Find out on BillyMasters.com .

When I'm thinking of a few things I'd train Charlie's ass to do, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I suspect poppers would come in handy. Meanwhile, with all that money he's spending on trainers, you'd think he'd spend a few bucks on a new eyebrow. You'll find both highbrow and lowbrow humor on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that swings both ways. If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Christian calls Herschel "Daddy." So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 538 times since Mon Oct 10, 2022
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Peppermint barks while Broadway bangs, and all the other dish to start the week
2022-11-28
"I love Broadway. I love what they do—Broadway Cares, but I also want to say the show is extraordinary!" —Nicole Kidman's impromptu speech after bidding $100K to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS for Hugh Jackman's hat after ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Candace Cameron Bure keeps it in the family, and all the Thanksgiving dish you need to start the week
2022-11-21
"I will be dating Pete Davidson next." —Dionne Warwick tweets she'll be the next woman in Davidson's long list of ex-paramours. Davidson's former SNL co-star Jay Pharoah says Pete told him the secret of his success. ...


Gay News

Bulls lose to Magic as LaVine is benched; NU women's field hockey
2022-11-19
On Nov. 18 at the United Center, the Chicago Bulls (6-10) lost to the Orlando Magic (5-11) by a score of 108-107. Coach Billy Donovan benched Zach LaVine (who only had four points) for the final ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Everyone counts their eggs before they're hatched, and other dish to start the week
2022-11-14
"I'm Not Defending us.Haters are Gonna Hate...Doesn' Matter That we're Happy & Not Bothering Anyone" —Cher tweets her response to criticism of her relationship with music producer Alexander Edwards—who is less than half her age. ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Connor shocks by holding hands with a girl, and other dish to start the week
2022-11-07
"Beverly Hills is riveting. It is riveting for many reasons. All the gays that I have are obsessed with it, so I would go on that one. Lisa Rinna is such a good villain. So I like that one." —Jennifer Coolidge ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-10-31
"Well, I am as hurt and shocked as if I have lost a family member. Leslie and I had a special bond. I think the world felt they had a special bond with him. I know people always say, 'Oh, they ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-10-24
"The audience needs to be confronted with what we're confronted with. We have to look at each other's dicks every day. We have to be naked every day. As an audience, you have to decide whether ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-10-17
"I can't tell you how many times I have heard that young queer kids used to do the Wonder Woman spin when they were closeted. Whether you're out and proud now or you're still living with a secret identity, you are ...


Gay News

MOVIES 'Bros' stumbles at box office
2022-10-02
The Billy Eichner/Luke Macfarlane same-sex romantic-comedy film Bros made history with its LGBTQ+ cast being in a big-budget movie—but, unfortunately, it fizzled at the box office. The Paramount horror movie Smile debuted to a sizzling $22 ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-09-26
"I just heard about Leonardo DiCaprio's 25-year rule. His loss. You don't know what you're missing."—Dionne Warwick tweeted her disdain over reports that DiCaprio does not date anyone over 25. Where were you during Queen Elizabeth ...


Gay News

REELING Billy Eichner and Luke Macfarlane on their big-budget LGBTQ+ movie 'Bros'
2022-09-25
The new movie Bros could prove to be a very important movie in LGBTQ+ culture this year. This gay romantic comedy is directed by Nicholas Stoller, who co-wrote the script with Billy Eichner. Stoller and Eichner ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-09-19
"I was born and raised in Boston, and I still haven't made it to Martha's Vineyard."—Billy Masters. They're dropping like flies in England—literally! My faithful followers know that nothing makes me happier than a video of ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-09-12
"The old woman finally died."—Billy Masters left this as a voice message for a friend. Said friend was sure I meant Barbara Walters. But BW will outlive us all, much to the chagrin of her handsome ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-09-05
"You've touched our hearts and minds to be our authentic self, to use our voices, to dream big. Thank you for your leadership and commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion, especially for women and women of ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2022-08-29
"filth — disgustingly offensive dirt, garbage, anything viewed as grossly indecent or obscene."—Webster's Dictionary When this column debuted in late August 1995, we opened with that definition from Mr. Webster (and we apologize to him ...


 




Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 

Sponsor


Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.