"I'm super-conscious that I'm close to death. And it doesn't really bother me that much. What bothers me is that my body is, you know, basically not mine! My knees are not mine, my hips are not mine, my shoulder's not mine. You're looking at somebody who's only me from here up."—Jane Fonda discusses getting older (and being half-bionic)!
I like Beanie Feldstein. I really do. In Hello, Dolly!, she was fantastic. But a funny foil is a far cry from fronting a fractured fable-like Funny Girl. Before rehearsals even began, it was a foregone conclusion that the first Broadway revival of the show indelibly linked with Barbra Streisand was doomed—and scheduling opening night on Babs' 80th birthday seemed almost cruel. Reportedly, Feldstein pulls off the novelty numbers. But most critics feel the vocal demands of the score are beyond her. Blaming Beanie (who, by the by, identifies as queer) seems wrong. Obviously, she's been let down by the producers. Surely someone heard her sing "People" before hiring her. Now what? The big guessing game on the Rialto is who will replace Beanie … should the show last long enough for a replacement. Idina Menzel was in the mix before Beanie was announced, Lea Michele before that and Lauren Ambrose even earlier. I wouldn't want any of them cast in a role that requires powerhouse vocals plus a unique and quirky personality. Frankly, none of them could convince me that they're the greatest star.
As luck would have it, Lea Michele wormed her way into the news. She's apparently offered to carry Jonathan Groff's baby! Not even he could believe it when she told him. "Hell, yeah!" she reportedly said. "I love being pregnant. It's so much fun!" How nice—a womb with a view! Since they're best buds, I'm sure her offer comes from a loving place. Plus, it's not like she has anything else to do.
Adele is in a pickle. Caesars Palace has made it clear that her aborted residency must debut this summer or there will be dire financial consequences. As you'll recall, she pulled the plug on the production literally hours before it was supposed to debut. The major problem was that she never vibed with the concept of designer Esmeralda Devlin—which is fascinating since she designed Adele's 2016 world tour. But, no matter: The songstress has fired her entire creative team. In its place, she has hired Kim Gavin and Stufish—I say as if I know what a Stufish is. I know Starfish, but I suspect that's a different thing. Sorry, Charlie.
You know what hasn't been cancelled? "Billy Masters LIVE." Yes, we've taken some time off, but we're back this Thursday, May 5, at noon PT (2 p.m. CT). And since I'll be in Los Angeles, it's a perfect time to catch up with my pal Levi Kreis, who is at LA's Ahmanson Theatre starring in the national tour of the Broadway musical Hadestown. And we might be joined by one of my special friends—someone who has a new-ish Showtime series. You can tune in on our YouTube channel, Billy Masters TV, or on BillyMasters.com/TV.
Remember the big story last week? About Republican Congressman Madison Cawthorn in a see-through blouse and black bra? Well, that was just the beginning. This week, he tried to get on a plane with a loaded gun—bringing up the old joke of if that's a gun in your pocket … assuming he can feel what's in his pocket! The incident happened at Charlotte Airport—my least-favorite airport in the world, thank you very much. Cawthorn was detained by TSA when they found the 9-millimeter in his carry-on bag—which apparently is a federal offense and carries a maximum penalty of $13,900. And this was his SECOND such offense. The first was in February 2021 at Asheville Regional Airport—an airport I have not had the pleasure to visit … yet.
Adding insult to potential injury, a video surfaced of Madison getting handsy with his senior staffer—who happens to be male! Picture it: Cawthorn was driving his car (yes, picture it) and his "aide" Stephen Smith was in the passenger seat … filming the incident. Madison says, "I feel the passion and desire and would like to see a naked body beneath my hands"—although it should be noted that he says this as if he were playing Maggie in a community-theater production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Smith, the perfect Brick, says, "Me too," and places a hand in Cawthorn's crotch. Not only that, but it's been revealed that the congressman has given his Stevie thousands of dollars in "loans and gifts." There are even photos of the twosome sucking on some sizeable cigars. You can see the smoking gun on BillyMasters.com .
This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Carlos in New York: "I just came back from Spain and saw their version of RuPaul's Drag Race. The Pit Crew had a hot daddy named Juanma. What do you know about him?"
The Spanish version of the megahit is actually called "Drag Race Espana"—and the host is Supremme de Luxe, a Spanish drag queen and singer whose nom de plume was inspired by The Supremes. As to Juanma Lopez, he definitely fits into the "daddy" category. While I don't believe he's done porn, he is an "erotic model"—which means we have plenty of explicit photos to share. And he is, shall we say, ample! And on BillyMasters.com .
When some of our subjects are muy caliente, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Oh, yes, I'm a bit of a cunning linguist. And I'm also more than slightly partial to a foreign tongue. You can find a variety of other body parts on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that sizzles. If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Madison Cawthorn gets a job driving for Uber! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
