Is this a rerun? A headline this week: "Grammy Ratings Hit All-Time Lows in Viewership & Key Demographics." OMGnot those key demographics! Thankfully, we don't have to worry about that: No one in a key demographic is reading this column. As to the Grammys, here's my two centsBeyonce's daughter won her first, while Miss Ross hasn't won any. But Diane has gotten the COVID vaccine. Winning!
During a Saturday Night Live sketch about The View, Cheri Oteri (as Barbara Walters) said, "Some people call it a train wreckwe call it The View." Let's welcome The Talk to train-wreck status. We left the ladies doing two more shows after Sheryl Underwood and Sharon Osbourne came to a head over Oprah's talk with Meghan and Harry. Her crime? Saying that Piers Morganwho is paid to be a punditis entitled to speak his mind. Sharon claimed that, for the first time in Talk history, she was not prepped for the segment(s), nor was she given any cards with questions or talking points. Sharon also said the questions all went to Sheryl and Elaine, the two women of color on the paneland they were allegedly instructed to take turns cross-examining Sharon.
The Talk promptly went on hiatus while CBS launched a formal investigation. And the hiatus has been extended twice. Initially, it was for two days. Then it was through this Mondaydue to a basketball-related pre-emption. Now CBS has decided to make the hiatus two weeks.
Then the Vatican got involved. No, not about The Talkalthough wouldn't that have been fabulous? Last Mondayright in the middle of Lentthe Holy See announced that the Catholic Church will not bless same-sex unions since God "cannot bless sin." Fun fact: The Vatican helped fund Elton John's biopic Rocketman. Add that in with the wet altar-boy contests in the baptismal, goings-on in the rectory and any number of other gay sex scandals, and people find this hypocritical, at best. The church welcomes gay people and blesses them independently, but unions are off the table. One part of the statement caught my eye: "Marriage is a lifelong union between a man and a woman, and is part of God's plan for creating new life." So, riddle me this, Vatican: How many heterosexual couples blessed by the Catholic Church are a) in "a lifelong union" and 2) "part of God's plan for creating new life?" If you break up or don't have kids, shouldn't you be tossed out? Also, does the Catholic Church bless the union of senior citizens, well beyond the age of procreation? And, if so, why? Get back to me.
I'll be waiting with Christopher Atkins. Oh, yes, THAT Christopher Atkinsthe pin-up that everyone reading this column had impure thoughts about (and wore out the stripping scene on their VHS copy of A Night in Heaven). I used to dream about walking into my high school reunion with Atkins on my arm. The next best thing is Christopher Atkins coming on "Billy Masters LIVE"and if you read that phrase the correct way, it's awfully titillating. On Thursday, March 25, at 3 p.m. ET/noon PT, we'll talk about his acting, his modeling, the highs, the lows and if he'll buy me a corsage. You can watch on our YouTube channel Billy Masters TV or on BillyMasters.com/TV.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from George in Pasadena: "I heard that someone on Riverdale did gay porn. Who was it? My money's on KJ Apa."
While Apa has shown his share of skin, it wasn't himalthough a year or so ago, a photo of an erect penis surfaced that allegedly stems from one of his online trysts. And it wasn't Charles Melton, who plays Reggie (actually he's the second Reggie, but that's another story). The closest Melton got to gay porn was posing nude for D&G. The Riverdale actor who allegedly did gay porn was Tommy Martinez, who plays Malachai. But let's be clearhe also allegedly did straight porn. He goes under the name Logan, and his most memorable scene is called "She Sucks It So Good #31." Needless to say, all of these guys can be found on BillyMasters.com .
When the biggest mystery on Riverdale is "Who sucked it best?," it's definitely time to end yet another column. My God, that set is like a Vatican wet dreamall those naked men. You know where else you can find them? On BillyMasters.comthe site that welcomes all races, creeds, colors and sizes. If you have a question, write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Sheryl and Elaine ambush me on "Billy Masters LIVE!" So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.