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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2021-02-01

This article shared 822 times since Mon Feb 1, 2021
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"I am happy to report that today, I took my dear friend Jo Anne Worley to get her first COVID-19 vaccination! Not only that, several nurses and doctors recognized her and came over to the car to have a fan moment!"—A friend posted this on Facebook. Slowly but surely, some of our elder entertainers are getting vaccinated. So, who's bringing Betty White??

Neither snow nor rain nor pandemic could keep me from the swift completion of my appointed rounds in Fort Lauderdale. Yes: This week I am coming to you from the lovely Filth2Go Beach House, which needed my attention. Meanwhile back in Boston, Big Mama and Big Daddy are in a tizzy. Although seniors older than 75 can get their first vaccine shots, my parents are unable to secure an appointment. Desperate as they may be, they are not desperate enough to go to either Gillette Stadium or Fenway Park—which, despite its name, does not have much parking.

We recently told you that Ellen Page is heretofore known as Elliot Page. Back in 2018, Page had a same-sex wedding with Emma Portner. However, Elliot just filed for divorce: "After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce following our separation last summer."

In happier news, Laverne Cox has a new man in her life. During a segment on Ellen, she revealed, "It almost sounds like a punch line but, yeah, Laverne is in love again and it feels amazing." Cox also disclosed, "This guy has never dated a trans woman before. My last two boyfriends had also never dated a trans woman before." Wouldn't it be a kick if she were dating Elliot Page?

It's been a sad week for the Billy Masters empire. I owe some of my early success to Cloris Leachman. In conspiratorial details that will be revealed in my forthcoming memoirs, Cloris asked me to slip a story into my column. I wrote it with my usual aplomb, it got picked up everywhere, and led to my first credits in the mainstream press. I believe it also led to my being included in Hot Topics on The View. Cloris was delighted with the results. She was a great gal—smart, talented, lovely, and bawdy. She could do anything—and did … for 94 years.

I'd also like to acknowledge the passing of the 96-year-old Miss Cicely Tyson—whom I only met once, but who made an indelible impression on me. She was a little bit of a thing, but she was clearly not one to trifle with.

Both Cicely and Cloris won multiple awards over the course of their careers. Cloris won a record eight Emmy Awards (tied with Julia Louis-Dreyfus). While Miss Tyson won only three Emmys, she also won a Tony. That brings us to the forgotten Tony Awards of 2020—which are finally happening. You may recall that the nominations came out in October. Voting will take place March 1-15, with a ceremony happening at an undetermined site, on an undetermined date, at an undetermined time. The one definite is that the only nominee in the category of Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical is the adorable Aaron Tveit for "Moulin Rouge! The Musical." But that does not mean he will definitely win. He still needs to get two-thirds of the votes. Ironically, the Democrats need two-thirds of the Senate to convict former President Donald Trump. As things stand now, I think Tveit may have the edge.

As you know, your beloved Billy typically summers in Europe—frequently frolicking with various gay porn pups with a preponderance of Xs, Ks and Vs in their names and nary a vowel in sight. I obviously stayed home last summer. I now fear that this year will be no better. Still, I was heartened to hear about an unidentified woman in Slovakia who detained a mugger at a gas station by giving him a blow job. It is unclear if she performed oral sex out of fear of being hurt, or if she simply fancied the guy. The woman—a hero by any standard—was offered a reward by onlookers. She just shrugged and said, "I really don't care. Do you?"

Last week's "Ask Billy" question about RuPaul Drag Race contestant Joey Jay has opened the floodgates. This week, Phil in Chicago asks, "What do you know about Ariel Versace? Friends tell me he shows all on OnlyFans—but I save my subscribing for BillyMasters.com ."

Flattery—it'll get you anywhere with me. Why it's taken 25 years for people to figure that out is a mystery we'll leave to Zachary Quinto. As to Ariel Versace—a name that also doesn't appear on a birth certificate—I did a bit of snooping. First off, his real name is Bryan Philip Neel. And, he recently made a startling confession when it comes to his racy content: "It taught me to be more confident about my sexuality. I have always been super-insecure. … This has definitely helped me let loose." Since Phil wants to see more of Ariel, I'll share some choice bits with all of you—on BillyMasters.com .

When drag queens are loosening up, it's time to end yet another column. And we have a late-breaking bulletin—Big Mama just called saying she found a place for her and Big Daddy to get the vaccine. By the time you read this, they will have been pricked. Alas, pricks are hard to find during a pandemic … even in Florida! But, fear not—there's a plethora of pricks available on BillyMasters.com—no appointment necessary. If you have a question that only I can answer, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before any pricks come near me! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 822 times since Mon Feb 1, 2021
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