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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2020-12-21

This article shared 447 times since Mon Dec 21, 2020
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"You are a weak, scared, stupid, inept, negligent, vindictive, narcissistic, criminal. I hope you live a long life in prison where you become the most popular boyfriend to all the inmates."—Debra Messing's tweet to El Presidente. Many took offense. "Love you Deb but please don't bring gay sex into the equation as something derogatory," said one. "Wow, you're quite the #homophobe," said another. Sigh—sometimes I hate liberals! Debra apologized and, again, proclaimed her allegiance to the LGBTQIA community. I wish she didn't have to, but then again … Kathy Griffin.

I am negative. Well, that's no surprise to my readers. But I am also negative when it comes to the coronavirus. I just got tested, due to my recent flights into the belly of the beast—Florida. Should any of you be considering getting a test, let me give you a tip—trim (or, better yet, pluck) your nose hair! The nurse who approached me—clad in what could only be termed as early Silkwood—warned that some people find the test "tickles." She then produced a large swab—reminiscent of something that was last used on a decidedly different part of my body. Upon insertion, I could not stifle my giggles. All's well that ends well.

There are many television projects announced for 2021 that I'm torn about. On the positive side, an LA Law reboot centered on Blair Underwood? Count me in! And, why not have some of his former co-stars involved. Corbin could run the firm. Susan Dey could get coffee. On the other hand, do I need a Night Court reboot for John Larroquette? Pass. Speaking of "pass," Fox passed on an Empire spinoff about Cookie. Other networks are in discussions, but I don't see it happening. Instead, Fox picked up a new version of "Fantasy Island." Am I the only one who remembers the failed Malcolm McDowell attempt? It limped through 13 episodes. Lastly, you don't need to be psychic to know a Superstore spinoff centered on Bo & Cheyenne will crash and burn.

You know what has been renewed for a second season? "Billy Masters LIVE"! Last week was supposed to be our final shows for 2020. (We'll be back in early 2021.) Our penultimate show featured Arnetia Walker and Mindy Sterling talking about the livestream of Stan Zimmerman's "Yes, Virginia." We even had clips of Arnetia in Dreamgirls and Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills. And then, the best holiday gift ever—wrapping up the season with Ruth Pointer of the fabulous Pointer Sisters. We had clips, we had dish, we had joy, we had tears—it was everything you'd expect from "Billy Masters LIVE." Then we got a call—could Taylor Dayne come on as a little pre-Christmas guest? Not only am I a fan, but I've worked with Taylor at many festivals and benefits around the country. How could I say no? You can see us together on Tuesday, Dec. 22, at 3 p.m. Eastern / Noon Pacific on my YouTube channel, "Billy Masters TV." Or just go to BillyMasters.com/TV.

Meanwhile, "Big Brother Hungary" featured some male contestants in the shower together. Now—why don't we do that over here? Fear not—you can see the uncut footage on BillyMasters.com .

In a twist not even I could have manufactured, we actually have a second Hungarian item of the week. You probably don't know Jozsef Szajer—although the name "Jozsef" has adorned many a Bel Ami video. This particular Jozsef is a highly ranked official in Hungary. He's also vociferously anti-gay rights. He's probably the last person police expected to find at a "20-person gay orgy" in Brussels! Oh, but it gets better. When the police arrived to break up what they simply thought was a house party violating quarantine rules, they discovered a gaggle of nude guys … including one shimmying down a drain pipe! When they caught that individual, they also discovered a backpack filled with narcotics! Yup—Jozsef! The next day, he not only apologized for "a personal failing," but also declared diplomatic immunity from the charges. Why doesn't Hungary do a reality show about this? P.S. He has since resigned (and some reports claim there were 50 men at the orgy).

To wrap up another year of "Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions," we've saved the best for last. The Costume Industry Coalition and the FIT Foundation are auctioning some trinkets from several celebrated stars. Would you like to slip into Bernadette's shoes, from Into the Woods? Maybe you'd be more interested in the pineapple shirt Hugh Jackman wore in The Boy from Oz. And, I can let you in on a little secret—the shirt has not been laundered since Hugh last wore it. You know what that means? With a bit of scientific ingenuity and a lotta cash, you could grow your very own Hugh Jackman clone. What are you still doing reading this? These choice clothes (with more to follow) can be found at eBay.com/e/charity/fit-foundation. Happy bidding!

Our last "Ask Billy" question of the year comes from Justin in Dallas: "What do you know about Machine Gun Kelly? He's so frickin' hot in those new photos. Is that all him filling out that sock?"

Now I'm the one with questions—starting with the sock. Turns out, MGK was sporting a cock sock on his nether regions while posing for Spin magazine in a see-through suit. 'Cause, you know, that's what the kids do. I know very little about him—except that he thinks he's gonna marry Megan Fox, while she ain't even following him on Instagram. Oh, the drama. I also have friends who were at the Spin photoshoot who tell me that the sock was snug. I'll run pics on BillyMasters.com .

When the sock doesn't fit, it's time to acquit yet another column. This one certainly had a little bit of everything—including a side of Budapest and Brussels that Rick Steves probably dreams of! You can get all that and more on BillyMasters.com—the site that will always leave you Hungary for more! If you'd like some of my goulash, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before anyone inserts anything else into my body! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 447 times since Mon Dec 21, 2020
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