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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2020-01-08

This article shared 2428 times since Wed Jan 8, 2020
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"This is 20/20."—Cheri Oteri rang in the new year as Barbara Walters alongside a stoic Andy Cohen and a giggling Anderson Cooper on CNN.

I'm a lot like Tina Turner. Now, the obvious question to ask is, "How, Billy, are you like Tina Turner?" Sometimes I like my life to be nice and easy; but sometimes, I like it to be nice and rough. I was thinking—what would be a good challenge for this, the dawn of a new decade. Then it hit me—we've got 50 states in this country ( more or less ), and we've got 50 weeks in a year ( more or less ). So, why not try and have sex with a guy from a different state each week. I've built in a lot of conditions for this challenge. First off, none of this has to be done alphabetically. Also, layover sex in an airport definitely counts. However, the guy and I don't need to have sex in the state in question. But since I'm a stickler for details, IDs should be consulted—even at certain gatherings where clothing is not required. Come to think of it, on a good night I could cross like a baker's dozen states off the list if I'm lucid enough to keep track. Let's see how this goes—and how often I need to go to urgent care!

Kathy Griffin didn't need a gig on New Year's Eve to make headlines. Forget about CNN and ABC. Kathy had a captive audience watching her ring in the New Year from her palatial home, where she GOT MARRIED! Yes, Griffin married her on-again/off-again bea, Randy Bick. To make it a truly gayla affair, the officiant was the legendary Lily Tomlin, while Tomlin's spouse, the great Jane Wagner, was a witness. It's not God, but it's close.

I wonder if Russell Tovey and Steve Brockman will become the Colton Haynes and Jeff Leatham of 2020. ( There's a chance many of you reading this would not be able to identify any of those four people in a police lineup. ) Tovey and Brockman were dating in 2017. They got engaged in 2018. Later that year, they broke up ( perhaps coinciding with news of Brockman's gay porn past going public ). Last year, they started dating again. And as the year drew to a close, they were once again engaged. Looking forward to more drama with those crazy kids in 2020.

Gus Kenworthy has no use for kids. He's courting an older crowd. How much older? In the words of Mame Dennis, somewhere between 40 and death. Gus was videotaped meeting a group of three gay men who are denizens of God's waiting room, Palm Springs. ( Fort Lauderdale is God's parking lot. ) When shown a photo, the men seemed unsure who Gus was. One said, "Who was that Olympic skier? Adam Rippon's friend. Chuck Helmsworthy?" In the words of Jesus' parents—Oy! Once Gus was correctly identified, he came out to meet the oldsters, who were quite smitten—after all, Kenworthy is both dashing and delightful. Well, that and as one guy kept pointing out, he's got those thighs and that ass. Check out this fun video on BillyMasters.com .

One of the people who made our list of scandals of 2019 was Kevin Spacey—by way of that busboy ( and, yes, I am well aware that he was not underage for the sexually activities Spacey was after; but he was underage for those drinks that Spacey bought ). That busboy got off easy—so to speak. Two of Spacey's other targets had very different outcomes. One was a masseur in Malibu, and the other was married to the princess of Norway. You know what happened to them when they attempted to bring Spacey down? They ended up dead! The masseur sued Spacey for grabbing his genitals ( in my massages, it's usually the other way around ). When the case was cleared for trial, the masseur petitioned the court for anonymity, stating that he "has concern for their safety and/or do not want their names revealed publicly in the media." Days later ... DEAD. As for Ari Behn, the 47-year-old former prince, he died by suicide. Then again, 2019 was a tough year for princes.

As 2019 drew to a close, we lost a giant among men: the legendary composer Jerry Herman. It's interesting to note that 2019 began with the death of Herman's dear friend and muse, Carol Channing. I don't think Jerry would want us to remember him by mourning. He'd want us to celebrate life ... something he did in all of his musicals. And the fact that he was diagnosed as HIV-positive in 1985 and lived 34 years proves something. So long, dearie.

Our first "Ask Billy" question of the year isn't particularly gay, but it amuses me. Frank in Detroit asks, "Have you seen the Mad About You reboot? I love it— but where is Fran?"

I love it, too. The chemistry between Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt is perfect, as is the writing. ( I could do without so much daughter, but that's me. ) A hallmark of the original sitcom was the quirky supporting characters. I'm glad to see Ira, Lisa and Mark back. As for Fran, actress Leila Kenzle ( who played the role ) gave up acting a few years ago and is now a psychotherapist. The irony is Fran's onscreen husband, Mark, is now married to Tonya, who is—you guessed it—a therapist! If the studio just matched Leila's hourly rate, they could probably get her to do a cameo.

When someone charging an hourly rate is NOT the subject of a blind item, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Speaking of Mad About You, where is Ursula? Why not have Lisa Kudrow drop in occasionally? Or have her work at Mark's restaurant? Why am I wasting these ideas on you? While I get my agent on the phone, let me remind you to get the latest gossip ( and casting ideas ) atBillyMasters.com—the site that has nothing against you doing it on the couch. If you have a question for me—or if you're an Alaskan visiting Los Angeles for the weekend—send an email to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I'll get back to you once I'm south of the Mason-Dixon Line. Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 2428 times since Wed Jan 8, 2020
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