"I go to the house, I ring the buzzer and no one's there. I go back to my car ... and she drives up ... with the handsome Brad Pitt. I thought, 'Oh man, I'm not gonna get no pussy."—Mike Tyson eloquently describes what happened when he tried to reconnect with Robin Givens after their divorce. I think that was good news for Robin ... and for the pussy.
You know what my problem is? I'm too damn nice. I'm sure that's not the first thing you thought of, but it's true. And it's really difficult to write this type of column when you're nice (as my more snarky—and more successful—online counterpart will attest to).
When that famous TV host was caught with his pants down in a transvestite sexual encounter, did I take the thousands of dollars he offered me in an alley to kill the story? Not on your life. I squelched it because I felt bad for him. The fact that he then donated the money to the Pediatric AIDS Foundation was a happy by-product. On the negative side, every time he sees me at an event, he quickly runs in the opposite direction. And those pesky calls from his subsequent female companions have become rather tedious.
But here I am, in that position again. For the past year, I've extolled the virtues of Evan Jonigkeit and his penis, which is on display in the play High. When the national tour of the play starring Kathleen Turner and Jonigkeit commenced, I said I'd share his nether regions with you if it surfaced on film or photo. Lo and behold, a fan provided me with footage, thus causing my dilemma. I'm friendly with many members of the tour and am quite fond of Evan. I ran the situation by playwright and producer, Matthew Lombardo. Not surprisingly, he asked me to not run it—out of respect for Jonigkeit and because of our friendship. One of my friends at a prominent magazine told me that these situations come up daily. They make deals with the people—suppress one thing in return for something else (which sounds like blackmail to moi). Anyway, what could High give me? I already go to all the openings, all the parties. Heck, they even seat me front and center so I get a good view (come to think of it, maybe they just want to keep an eye on me). I suppose I could demand some sexual favors during intermission. Hmm...
Being a theater buff, I grasp every opportunity I can to spend time in NYC and see shows. You will find complete reviews of everything I saw on BillyMasters.com, but let's give you just a taste of my itinerary. The highlight of my trip was seeing the glorious Charles Busch in his latest work, Judith of Bethulia. While I'm sure it's just a coincidence, every performance sold out just days after I wrote about it. This is only the second time in the history of the Theater for the New City that an entire run sold out before it even began—the first time being for Busch's The Divine Sister.
This play finds Charles in rare form—as a temptress in a Biblical epic with more than a nod and a wink to Mae West. What I adore about Busch is that he lovingly brings to life a style of acting from a bygone era. He most certainly puts his unique stamp on it, but without ever diminishing its authenticity. The entire cast works like a well-oiled machine. In fact, they all seem to simply be having a ball—like they're just putting on a show to amuse their friends. Special kudos to the uproariously funny Mary Testa, who is a perfect foil for Charles. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the inhumanly hunky Dave August and Larry Bullock, who serve as soldiers and servants who are nearly naked as often as possible. Will this show resurface beyond its limited run? Fingers crossed.
[I am thrilled to make what I think is an amazing announcement. Every once in a while, the stars collide and bring us something special. One of Broadway's biggest stars will be spending a prime holiday weekend in a prime gay vacation destination. Where do you think Patti LuPone will be on the Fourth of July? In Provincetown, Mass.—that's where. She'll be performing July 4-5 at the Art House, managed for the second season by the sexy Mark Cortale. This will be part of Playbill.com columnist Seth Rudetsky's Broadway at the Art House series. He's got some other terrific people turning up throughout the summer—like Betty Buckley, Charles Busch, Ana Gasteyer, Alice Ripley, Marilyn Maye and many more. These special shows tend to sell out fast, so head on over to PTownArtHouse.com for the complete schedule and tickets.
While in P-town, you might want to do something other than see a show. You might also want to cavort with other hot men. If so, check out the Crown & Anchor. P-town's largest entertainment complex has something for everyone. The Paramount room features top DJs like Pagano, Joe Gauthreaux, Manny Lehman, and Abel. The Wave bar has a completely different feel, courtesy of VJ Tommy Yaz. And for that sticky transition between Circuit Week and Bear Week, DJ Gustavo Scorpio from Brazil will be bridging the gap at Beardependence Party. Details about these events and special performers throughout the summer can be found at www.OnlyAtTheCrown.com .
Maybe we'll see Barbra Streisand in P-town—or at the very least, her son, Jason. That's what I'd expect after reading an article in the National Enquirer. Allegedly, Barbra would like Jason to stop his "gay-party lifestyle, settle down and make her a grandmother." Boy, Babs is barkin' up the wrong tree on this one!! One insider is quoted as saying, "Jason has a reputation as quite the Romeo. He dates a lot of different guys and is always on the lookout for a new conquest." Jason Gould? The man for whom the word "nebbish" was invented? I know Jason. He lived around the corner from me (prior to moving to NYC). He had sexual designs on my best friend who lived across the hall. I've seen this oversexed, irresistible lothario in action. His moves would need the interpretative gifts of a psychic to pick up on them. He's nice, but I really don't think he's breaking hearts left and right—unless, of course, he's walking around with a sash that says, "Jason Gould, Son of Barbra." Then he'd have a shot.
I always look forward to the S.T.A.G.E. benefit in Los Angeles. This year will mark the 28th annual Southland Theatre Artists Goodwill Event, which is the world's longest continuously running AIDS fundraiser. Each year, dozens of theatre luminaries join forces to raise money for AIDS Project Los Angeles. This year's event is called "Original Cast 3" and will feature people recreating numbers they originated on Broadway. Some of the stars will be Anna Maria Alberghetti, Adrienne Barbeau, Len Cariou, Shirley Jones, Carole Cook, Nancy Dussault, Carol Lawrence, Andrea McArdle, Pat Morison, Rex Smith, Constance Towers and oodles more. John McDaniel will conduct and a special award will be presented to Leslie Jordan for his contributions to the cause. It takes place on Saturday, April 28, at the Saban Theatre in Beverly Hills. You can get tickets and information at APLA.org/stage.]
Sting's annual Concert for the Rainforest Fund took place at Carnegie Hall April 3 and included a special performance by Elton John singing "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend". Elton previously did this number with some shirtless chorus boys at a Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS benefit in 2000. This time around, his guest artist was Channing Tatum. Chan, decked out like a chorus boy in the musical Chicago, used this opportunity to show off his stripper moves, which will be on display in the upcoming film Magic Mike. Elton grabbed Tatum's ass, somehow produced a jewel, and then Channing switched positions to bump and grind Miss Elton with his own jewels. Oh, those silly boys! We have a few pics of Elton and Channing in the act but, alas ,no video has seemed to emerge. But we can show the video from 2000 along with the current photos on BillyMasters.com .
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Thomas in Quebec: "My best friend told me he saw a photo of Zac Efron's penis online. I think he said it was from Australia. Do you have it??"
And this is how rumors get started. Here's the real story. Zac Efron was in Australia doing promotion for his flick The Lucky One. While there, the paparazzi snapped some pics of him walking around his hotel balcony shirtless (one of the more intriguing shots was him reaching into the front of his shorts ... perhaps looking for some change). Someone decided that wasn't good enough, so they doctored the photo to make it look like Zac was naked. Since we've got the original, we know that's not real. What IS real, however, is that moments later, someone's bare buttocks is seen walking by the balcony—a buttock that looks suspiciously like Zac's. Of course, there could be another explanation. He could have some hot friend over who looks a lot like him and enjoys walking around naked. You can decide for yourself when you see the pics at BillyMasters.com .
When I'm giving you a glimpse of Zac's southern hemisphere, it's definitely time to end yet another column. It might have been very theater-heavy, but we still fit in a fair amount of nude men. And, let me once again remind you that if you do happen to see Evan Jonigkeit's penis floating around out there, it was mine first. I guess you could say I had right of first refusal. What I was doing refusing it is another question; one best answered on www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never says no. You can ask me about that, or anything else, by sending a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Elton shows us what else he found in Channing: a wristwatch, car keys—oh, the possibilities are endless. To all the Albanians out there, "Krishti Ungjall." To the Greeks, "Christos Anesti." And to everyone else, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
