This article shared 1040 times since Wed Mar 6, 2013
Ben hated all of his clothes. Everything in his closet was ugly and sad and wrong and he wanted to throw them all out the window or rip them into pieces. Maybe even both. After trying on almost every stitch of clothing he owned, he had decided on a pair of jeans that he felt didn't make his long, thin legs look too ridiculous. He sat on the edge of his bed, defeated. Why is choosing an outfit for a coffee date so difficult? Because it's his first date with this guy. With any guy. With all of the time he spent building up the nerve necessary to date another man, you'd think that he would have at least made one trip to a clothing store to begin preparation. But he didn't. Now, with his nerves tangled and mind scrambled, he was about to lose his shit. At the age of 28 he was about to go on his first date since his senior prom and he has nothing to wear. He grabbed a green polo shirt that his mom said made his eyes look pretty and slid it over his elongated torso. As he came out of his bedroom closet he realized that coming out his sexual closet was not going to grant him special gay powers and a brand new sense of style. You don't get a wardrobe with conversion, despite what the GOP may think. Just like the rest of it, it was going to take some work. He walked over to the full-length mirror and turned away just before he began to hate himself completely. He thought he looked like an older version of a frat house preppie which, in fact, was exactly what he was. He rubbed his eyes and began to think of reasons he could give Mark when he called him to cancel. Then he heard a knock at his door. He walked over and looked through the peephole and saw a fish-eyed view of his best friend Lea's eye looking back at him. He opened the door and with, "What are you doing ... ," she announced, "I am your fairy-fucking-godmother! I wasn't about to try and get pants for those stilts of yours, but I knew you would probably be having an anxiety attack about what to wear, so here you go, fairy." She threw two shopping bags at him. Opening the bags, he found a blue, button-down shirt with red stitching and a pair of red suspenders. In the other, a thin, dark green, V-neck sweater and a pair of matching socks. "Now that I see you holding them," she said, "I think the hipster look is too advanced for you. Wear the green. Besides, it'll make your eyes look pretty." Ben was so overwhelmed that he grabbed her, picked her up, swung her in a circle and damn near cried. He ripped off the ancient shirt he'd been wearing and threw it against the window. Had it been open, the shirt would have flown out. He eased the sweater on and it fit perfectly. Running to the mirror for a look he asked Lea what she thought of it. "I think you look gorgeous." It was the second time he had ever heard that. Then she added, "But now you need to figure something out with your hair." With that, Ben's face went pale white with panic.
This article shared 1040 times since Wed Mar 6, 2013
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