Pictured Dan Nelson and Corin Martens.
How often have you spent hours with someone e-mailing and chatting ... only to discover that you've wasted your time because of mixed signals? Well, the Web site SexorSpouse.com . ( www.sexorspouse.com ) is the perfect tonic.
This site helps guys meet other guys on the basis of finding—as it states—Mister Right or Mister Right Now. That's right; this site divides people depending on if they want someone to lay or someone to stay.
The idea for SexorSpouse.com came from two gay couples in Chicago. According to Corin Martens, one of the couples' partners and the site's main contact person, SexorSpouse.com combines the 'best features of a variety of different sites, including HotorNot.com and FacetheJury.com .'
Initially, users log in according to their city of choice. ( There are currently nine areas across the nation but more may be added soon. ) Members can view all of the users who are online or choose to look at them by category. Despite the site's name, there's also an area for friendship. As Dan Nelson, the site's graphics guru, stated, 'couples can have very difficult times finding other couples just to do things with. Sometimes people live in the city and don't know how to meet other couples.' Adds Martens: 'Sometimes someone doesn't want a boyfriend. Sometimes a person just wants someone to go with to Big Chicks on a Saturday afternoon to have some beers with.'
If you find someone who tickles your fancy, you can send that person a quick note or try to arrange a meeting. That person is notified by e-mail. If that person responds positively ( called a 'double match' ) , you're notified—and you both take it from there. The beauty of that feature is that your e-mail address stays private. 'You don't want to put your e-mail address out there for a thousand people to see,' says Martens. 'It's a very safe way of finding people [ with whom ] you have common interests.' Basically, Sex or Spouse allows you to meet others in a less vulnerable way.
Asked just what sets this site apart from the throng of other similar ones, Martens proudly touts a couple of differences. 'One thing is that you don't have to add your picture if you don't want to. Another is that some sites actually reject people based on their profiles. Men4Men, Manhunt, AOL, and Gay.com all reject your profile if there's not enough to it or if there isn't appropriate content in your personal profile. We don't do that. People have to have a certain comfort level and have to do things at their own pace.'
'Just because you're online doesn't mean that you're looking for sex,' adds Nelson. 'A lot of people are afraid to go [ to a dating site ] because they're afraid that, once someone sees that they're on there, the other person thinks that [ the first person ] is just looking for a quick hook-up.' By the way, if you're not sure which section you're in, just check out the color of the page. The Sex page is yellow, the Spouse page is blue, and the Friendship page is green.
Another feature of the site is the live chat. If you meet someone you like, just hook up with that person in the chat room. ( To do this, however, you need Internet Explorer and a PC—although the people are working on making the chat room Mac-accessible as well. ) However, before you can get involved in any of the goings-on, you have to register. Although membership is currently free ( and should remain that way for a while ) , filling out the profile may be a little jolting. I filled out one—for journalistic purposes, of course—and was initially taken aback by a question that asked for my sexual proclivities. ( Choices included jerking off, one-on-one contact, and groups. ) However, both Martens and Nelson are quick to state that you can add as much or as little information as you want.
Although the site is only a few months old, there's already an updated version; in late April, version 1.5 was released, which included some design-related features. You should also look for more features in the future. For example, there will be a store that will probably have SexorSpouse-related items ( e.g., T-shirts ) . There will also be different surveys. Already, the site has asked users to rate the hottest guys in their cities. By the way, there will also be personal ads in the site's future. Right now, Sex or Spouse is gathering profiles from various professionals ( including escorts and massage therapists ) who want to advertise. Also, look for Sex or Spouse-related parties at various clubs.
As if all that isn't enough, Martens, Nelson, and their partners have plans that extend beyond the man-on-man environment. 'I own another domain called NoworForever [ .com ] ,' says Martens. 'That one will probably be for heterosexuals and we'll probably have another [ strictly ] for women.'
Something to bear in mind is that this site is here to serve you; the features are based on user feedback. Martens states that he has gotten mostly good news, with some people even finding boyfriends. So, if you have suggestions about how the site could be better, feel free to send your ideas. After all, your thoughts could help someone meet Mr. Casual or Mr. Commitment.
Davis is at westelm406@yahoo.com .
Citywide Pride Events
Citywide Pride's nine sponsoring companies are Accenture, Bank One, CNA, Deloitte, Exelon, Harris Bank, HRC Foundation, LaSalle Bank and Quaker/PepsiCo. They will be hosting a series of events created by this Chicago-area consortium of Fortune 500 companies during Gay Pride Month to celebrate diversity in the workplace.
Only employees from participating companies may attend educational events. The Final Event 'Pride on the Plaza' is open to the public.
Pride on the Plaza ( a celebratory social gathering with music, drinks, and food ) is at Bank One Plaza, Fountain Level, corner of Dearborn and Madison, Thursday, June 24, 5:30-7:30 p.m. Sponsor: Bank One. No RSVP Necessary.
