REVIEW BY J.S. HALL
Books on the gay porn industry tend to fall into four categories: breezy and full of smutty anecdotes ( like Chi Chi LaRue's Making It Big ) ; dark, cautionary tales ( the Jon Vincent bio A Thousand and One Night Stands ) ; blow-by-blow sex confessions ( Geoffrey Karen Dior's Sleeping Under the Stars ) ; or posthumous tell-alls ( Wonder Bread and Ecstasy, Clone, Boy in the Sand ) . My Undoing by Aiden Shaw contains elements of all of these niches, yet falls into its own category. However, determining the precise nature of that category proves to be an exercise in frustration at times.
One of the first British men to break into the U.S. gay porn industry in the 1990s, Aiden Shaw is not your typical porn star. The blood pumping through his body not only engorges an impressive penis, but also powers a bright mind full of an expressive creativity not often seen in this profession. He's written three novels ( Brutal, Boundaries and Wasted ) , numerous magazine articles, a book of poetry and songs for his band, Whatever.
Why, then, is My Undoing such a disappointment?
For one thing, it never entirely finds a satisfactory angle. Purportedly, My Undoing is about Shaw's efforts to find love and a lasting relationship despite his infamous status as a gay porn star. In fact, it's much more of a chronicle of how empty, shallow and repetitive his life was until a stupid accident nearly left him partially paralyzed.
Anyone waiting for an inner revelation on Shaw's part will be sorely disappointed. From the outset, Shaw makes it perfectly clear that 'I am not a reformed character,' and that 'I'll probably make the same mistakes again, if not worse.' Yes, this candor is initially refreshing, but his apparently learning nothing from his travails becomes vexing rather quickly.
Likewise, anyone hoping for a juicy tell-all about Shaw's co-stars in porndom will be similarly disappointed. He keeps such talk to a minimum, but does admit to an off-set dalliance with Cliff Parker, and relates his experiences with the erection injection drug Caverject. Shaw seems far more interested in regaling readers with his crystal meth binges, the odd results of some of his appointments with 'punters' ( i.e., his sex clients ) , more drug-taking and minutiae with his circle of friends. It gets old really, really fast.
While there are engaging moments in My Undoing, overall the book is sadly lacking. By the time one finishes this book, one will know Aiden Shaw better, but like him a good deal less. Whoever once famously said, 'There's nothing duller than dull pornography,' obviously never read My Undoing.