"I was just thinking—gay marriage legal in NY; I may have a new career as a wedding singer!"—Bette Midler considers expanding her repertoire. Tempting as that is, I think I'll stick with Jenifer Lewis, although I'm not sure how "Black Don't Crack" will fit in with my nuptials!
There are fewer pleasures in my life greater than seeing the look on someone's face when they realize I am witnessing them someplace they shouldn't be. Doing something they shouldn't be doing. With someone they shouldn't be doing it with. It is almost matched by the relief registered on their face when I utter four magic words: "I'm off the clock." Yes, I just finished my first weekend in Provincetown. Why, the dew is still on the little village, untouched by the first case of syphilis or parasites (which, incidentally, are a fabulous way to stay fit and trim ... so I hear). Fireworks were observed; sand was extracted from various nooks and crannies; and men who may be spoken for were flirted with in abundance. Speaking of abundance, pizza was devoured—to say nothing of some delicious barbecue, which was an unexpected treat. All in all, it was a fabulous way to kick off the summer.
One of my first stops was the Art House, which is being managed this year by the adorable Mark Cortale (often known as the business end of Varla Jean Merman). The occasion was a rare P-town appearance by Charles Busch appearing as, well, Charles Busch. The wigs and gowns were eschewed as he told stories of his long, illustrious career, shared a few wicked anecdotes, sang a few ditties and showed some film clips—lovely, lovely, lovely. He was guided through this retrospective by the more-than-capable Seth Rudetsky, and the capacity audience hung on his every word. I think it goes without saying that I absolutely adored Busch's show. I even got two rather pointed mentions from the stage, which, of course, is always welcome. Being a dear friend, I surely expected to see Busch après show to stroll through town or perhaps grab a bite to eat. However, no sooner had the divine sister left the stage than he was absconded from his dressing room by that local doyenne of drag, Ryan Landry. Oh, we hear tales of Mr. Landry scoping Busch out, eyeing his prey and claiming him as his own—not unlike a mongrel cat marking his territory by peeing on the nearest throw pillow. But enough about his sex life...
While I was eating my way across Cape Cod, the New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys were causing tongues to wag in Los Angeles. The first bit of excitement occurred when former Boy Kevin Richardson joined his band mates for "I Want It That Way." Next thing you know, they'll bring out Phoenix Stone (someone only Lou Pearlman and I continue to think about). When they got to "I'll Never Break Your Heart," each boy brought someone on stage to serenade. AJ McLean brought out a guy! As it turns out, the gent in question is one of AJ's best friends, Mark. Nonetheless, a touching little moment, which you can watch on BillyMasters.com .
Across the pond, the Glee tour was winding down in the U.K. As it turns out, it was the last hurrah for one cast member. Prior to an official announcement, Chord Overstreet tweeted, "Well, it's been a good yr too bad it's over, time for summer and starting fresh...I will deff make a solo album! There is nothing stopping me." And, poof, we got the official word that he would not be returning to Glee—a decision which seems to have coincided with Chord returning to his natural hair color. I'm just sayin'. On the positive side, we're told that both Darren Criss and Harry Shum, Jr., will be series regulars this year. Ryan Murphy giveth, and Ryan Murphy taketh away.
Ewan McGregor was recently chatting with Graham Norton about his sex scene with Christian Bale in Velvet Goldmine, which was shot on the roof of a building. After shooting the close-ups, the film crew moved to an adjacent rooftop to get some long shots. So Ewan and Christian are going at it. And they're going on and on and on—bear in mind this is pre-Viagra (although they were in their 20s). Eventually, Ewan thinks this is a really long sex scene and glances over to see the crew packing up their gear. "They must have said 'cut' really quietly. I think they thought it was a sensitive thing, they should just leave it to us." I haven't heard Christian complain! We'll run the scene on BillyMasters.com so you can see what all the fuss was about.
Speaking of sex scenes, Lea Thompson has the notoriety of appearing nude alongside a very young Tom Cruise in "All The Right Moves" (fun fact—the flick was produced by Lucille Ball!). Although everyone assured the young stars that their naughty bits wouldn't make the final cut, folks on BillyMasters.com have enjoyed seeing Tom's penis in all its pre-Scientology glory. The one person who was a bit annoyed by all the attention Tommy got was Lea. "Everybody made a really big deal about it and I was like, "Hey, I'm naked too!"
When I have to explain the facts of life to Lea Thompson, it's definitely time to end yet another column. The summer may have only just begun, but I'm already feeling it slip away. I only have another week in the States and then I'm off to various undisclosed European destinations for various undisclosed activities for an undisclosed period of time. But the one thing that I can disclose is that even in places where not a soul will recognize Billy Masters, there will be updates happening on www.BillyMasters.com . If there's something you need me to look into, you can always send a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before AJ tells Mark that he wants it that way! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
