||BEING CONTINUED: ROADS
by AK Miller
This article shared 1452 times since Wed Jan 9, 2013
While inching down the icy country roads, Amy could hear her father's voice in her head. He was reminding her, "Don't overdrive your traction. Keep a grip on where you are going and move slowly. Once you lose your steering, your brakes are almost useless." She wished his voice would have echoed this during other applicable situations throughout this past year, but it was comforting to hear it now. She remembered riding in the backseat down these roads as a child. She was taught that holidays were to be spent with "loved ones." That meant driving from home to home to step-home to step-grandma's and so on. Holidays were a blur of hustled visits with families she barely knew and now does not recall. Her mother had three marriages; her father had two. At one point there were seven step-brothers and step-sisters to keep track of. This was about the time that her parents lost track of her. Now there's only her whole-brother James and her gay ex-stepdad John to remember. James was eleven years older than Amy and they were not close as children. James had gone to college when the divorces and remarriages began. He witnessed only Christmas and because of that, Amy was envious. When their father died, James decided to keep the old farmhouse, but only opened it up a few times a year. He offered it to Amy to use whenever she wanted, but she can't bear to be there alone. James began reaching out to Amy more since their mother died. He was afraid that she had lost her sense of family. When her mother died of breast cancer it was John, the second step-dad, the gay one, who called to tell her the news. He was always the one to break the bad news. They first bonded when Amy was ten and he told her that Santa was actually each child's parents and they were the ones who determined naughty or nice. He stroked her hair and agreed to the unfairness of it all as she cried. He was also the one to tell her that despite his efforts, he just could not be with her mother any longer. Amy could see his lisp from across the room on the day they met and understood what he was saying. These were men that she associated with loss, of being lost and grabbing at the idea of family when you needed something to save you. They were only bound together by past situations and time and a weird, distant loyalty. Yet, Amy felt she needed this visit. She wanted to find out if it was some twisted sense of duty or an actual deep love that she once felt scratching its way back through rings of scars. She does have a sense of familyshe has built her own, from scratchand she knows where she belongs and to whom. The potholes created by the past ushering of people in and out of her life have been permanently iced over. She grips the wheel with a deep breath, making sure that no matter what she does, she does not lose her traction on her way to see loved ones.
This article shared 1452 times since Wed Jan 9, 2013
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