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  NIGHTSPOTS

BEING CONTINUED: Outgrown
by AK Miller
2012-06-06

This article shared 1215 times since Wed Jun 6, 2012
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Jeffrey is the kind of logical person that sometimes comes across as difficult. He thinks things through until they make sense to him, even if his analyzing process does not always come up with the correct answer. And the answer he arrives at, sticks. Some people fall victim to this kind of singular thinking. It can lead to anorexia, depression and in the case of many gay people, self-preservation. No matter how many times they are told that what they think and feel is wrong, they know better, no matter what.

When he was in Sunday school as a child, when told that Jesus had risen from the dead, he naturally believed that made Jesus a zombie, and had no qualms in telling the rest of the class. That's what he had been told: dead rising equals zombies. And the whole crucifixion deal made sense to him. If the guy had super powers when alive, then drastic measures must have been taken. You never can be too careful when dealing with the undead. Those were the facts he was stuck on and there was no telling him differently. His mother knew this about him and pulled him from church that day. She knew that eventually he would learn the difference between what was real and what he believed. In this case though, she didn't have any proof to provide her eight-year-old son. The problem with teaching mystical tales to the logical is that they eventually find holes in the stories.

Now Jeffrey is a grown man and looking out his kitchen window, trying to wrap his head around his current situation. His crying has stopped and it was time to make sense of it all. Despite the constant warnings of his friends and family, he fell in love with a much younger man. A full ten years younger. Since Jeffrey is only 32 that put his boyfriend at young, young. Scott was beautiful and sweet and innocent. No one questioned what Jeffrey saw in him, but they constantly told him it was bad idea. Scott's energy and smile were infectious. He looked to Jeffrey to show him the ropes. He learned how to dress, interview for a job, and handle himself in the big, bad gay world. Over the course of three years, Jeffrey taught him how to be a man and Scott made Jeffrey feel alive. Jeffrey loved Scott and believed Scott when he said he loved him too and that was what he fixated on. So it being over now seems illogical. There was no fighting, they had no issues, the sex was great. Jeffrey is trying to comprehend the idea of "you are enough, but I want more, even if I don't know what that is." How is there more if he was enough? Is this really over because of the possibility that there might be something, someone better out there someday? He does not want to believe that once the innocent aren't anymore, they will turn on you. He refused to believe that the pretty ones all go bad, even if he was hurting. Why Scott would do this, he just couldn't understand.

Jeffrey called his mom to be consoled. She didn't have any words that would fix his broken heart, but she knew he would eventually heal and told him that she loved him. Then she said something that made it all make sense. "The problem with raising children is that no matter how happy they are, they will eventually leave home. "


This article shared 1215 times since Wed Jun 6, 2012
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