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  NIGHTSPOTS

Auntie Flo: A Monthly Visit
by Auntie Flo
2004-10-20

This article shared 1681 times since Wed Oct 20, 2004
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Fear Factress

OK, take a second... heck, take two, and we bet you can conjure up the name of one friend or acquaintance who has lined up her next romantic pursuit prior to ending her current relationship. Unable to think of one? Try a quick sidelong glance into the mirror. Could you be the one your friends are thinking of right now? Not that she, or you, has crossed any lines prior to breaking up (goodness knows that is a column unto itself), just that she has her sights set on her next target. And if things go well, she'll be moving right in (literally). No need to find a sublet here.

This phenomenon worries Auntie Flo for many reasons. Most importantly, there is no recovery period. Auntie Flo likes to see us take our time before diving right into the next relationship. By doing so, it at least shows an iota of respect for our ex, the relationship we shared, and ourselves. Not to mention, friends won't have to be awarded in the divorce nor will they have to endure that awkward moment when they run into your ex. When you take that needed time, your friends are alloted the time they need to say goodbye to your ex and hello to your new squeeze. Contrary to popular belief, your main concern in a breakup should be how it impacts your friends. Let's face it, in our community your breakup is not about you.

After friends, the next most important person to consider in the timing of a breakup is the woman we are leaving... the ex. You remember her, the one you said you'd love until the end of time, exchanged vows with, bought a house with and have slept with since your second date. That's right. The one your mother loves more than you. While she may be yesterday's news, she deserves to have more than a few days to believe that you might be mourning the loss of your relationship with her. Catching a glimpse of you through the window at Star Gaze nuzzling your new Miss Thing (something you would never have done in public with her) will only impede the progress she is making in therapy.

While some uninformed sisters might refer to the new girl as your 'rebound', she is more properly referred to as your 'Fear Factress.' This is because she is your safety net from a free fall into the Well of Loneliness. While she may be serving as a security blanket for you, she probably fails to comprehend that you are nowhere near being ready to cruise right into a heavy-duty committed relationship. This is not to say that you will not waste the next few years floundering in this relationship while you try to get over the last relationship. But, you both should know that the motto for this relationship is more caveat emptor than carpe diem.

Lastly, your biggest concern is your impact on Auntie Flo. If we all quit this behavior, Auntie Flo will no longer have to miss out on bingo in the Community Room because she is stuck on the phone consoling another niece in need. Please, please think before you leap and take the time to heal yourselves. Auntie Flo really counts on those extra winnings in these times of 'W' to supplement her meager income. By the way, even Auntie Flo wonders just what closet poor Mary Cheney was shoved into so that she could not appear on stage with her family.

Question for the next visit: Auntie wants you to send her an e-mail letting her know whether you would rather have someone tell you directly that they are not interested or whether you would prefer they just never call. Myauntieflo@yahoo.com


This article shared 1681 times since Wed Oct 20, 2004
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