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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Alan William Kinsley leans on family ties
by Ross Forman, Windy City Times
2011-08-03

This article shared 6980 times since Wed Aug 3, 2011
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The tattoo on his left tricep says "family" in Japanese symbols—a telling and fitting tale for Alan William Kinsley.

He got the tattoo done in 2009 and it actually wasn't too well-received by Kinsley's dad, Ron, who just doesn't like skin art, including Kinsley's other tattoo (the Japanese symbol for "inner strength," which he got on his right hip while in college).

However, there's no way the elder Kinsley could question his son's choice, and lifelong sign of love, support and dedication for those who truly matter most to him—especially as amazing, interesting and emotional as Kinsley's family story is.

On Nov. 20, 1985, William Allan DuMont was born in suburban Chicago. His mom was single, and William was her second child. William's older brother, Steve, also does not know his biological father.

Six months later, she died of a heart attack—and Kinsley was adopted by his aunt and uncle, Ron and Denice, in suburban Wheaton.

"The only way the court system would allow my aunt and uncle to adopt us was if my uncle's oldest son, from his first marriage, would come live with us because my mother has multiple sclerosis (MS)," DuMont said.

Kinsley was raised by his aunt and uncle—and now refers to each as Mom and Dad. Plus, his name was changed to Alan William Kinsley—and he's now known to most as just Alan.

"The only thing I know about my [biological] father is, he's Mexican and that he worked at Pheasant Run Resort as a dishwasher in the kitchen, and none of my family ever met him," Kinsley said. "He knows that I exist; we have at least one picture [together], where he is holding me shortly after I was born.

"I kind of want to know who he is, but I'm not pursuing him."

Now 25, Kinsley lives in Chicago's Uptown neighborhood. He graduated from Wheaton North High School in 2004 and Columbia College in 2008. He is the client services manager for Robert Half International.

Kinsley—who is openly gay—came out at age 15, to no one's surprise.

"Growing up in Wheaton, and having parents who were very involved in the [local] church, I was really scared to come out," he said. "I didn't tell anyone, but when I came out to my parents, my dad responded, 'We know … we knew a long time ago.'"

Kinsley said their acceptance of his sexual orientation was, no doubt, largely due to the family's gay neighbors.

So how did dad know, or at least have a clue?

Well, at age 5, Kinsley asked for, and received, a Bridal Barbie for Christmas. Kinsley laughs about it today.

Kinsley returns to the suburbs regularly nowadays, although not as often as his parents would like. He returns regularly for dinner or casual visits, although often it's on an as-needed basis.

His dad has been his mom's primary caretaker, though the elder Kinsley, now 72, has long had health issues of his own, including several heart attacks. His first heart attack was in 1986, when Kinsley was 1.

Ron was forced into retirement when Alan was in fifth grade because Denice's MS had gotten worse and she could no longer care for herself.

In 1998, at age 13, Kinsley missed several days of school to care for his mom.

Ron had another heart attack in 2002 when Kinsley was in high school, and Kinsley missed more school then, too, to care for his mom.

Then, as a first semester sophomore in college, Kinsley transferred from Columbia to the College of DuPage so he could care for his mom again when his dad suffered a tendon injury, followed by surgery and could not drive. He returned to Columbia second semester.

"My dad is a huge rock in my life. Being the caretaker for my mom for as long as he has … that proves love," Kinsley said. "My mom is another rock in my life because she wakes up happy every single day of her life, no matter what happens, no matter how bad things are for her. She's so grateful for the simplest, easiest things—such as just getting her a glass of water. She has always been optimistic; she is always happy. She has never been the woe-is-me type of person. It makes you sit back and take look at what really maters in life—and for me, family comes first."

His parents are devoutly religious, though Kinsley has tapered his religious fervor. Ron still is very active with St. Michael's Church in Wheaton.

"My parents, particularly my mom, make me appreciate everything I have right now. They make me happy to be where I am today, for the things I have," Kinsley said. "My family [situation] has made me grow up really fast, though I've kind of gotten used to all of this, and I don't think I'd have the sense of responsibility, the sense of maturity that I do," if not for all he's endured.

Kinsley admits that, yes, he does often think, Why me? And also, what if?

What if, for instance, his biological mom had not died so early.

"Sure, I wonder what kind of life would I be having now," Kinsley said. "But I realize that I never would have the lifestyle, morals and values or things that I did, if she had not passed away.

"Things happen for a reason—and I know that.

"There were times, plenty of times while growing up, when I wondered how I was going to get through it, how am I going to live through this. In every situation, you learn—and I did."

Kinsley, for instance, used to stress out about work issues, but he quickly realized he's endured bigger hardships on the home front.

"You live, you learn and you move on," he said. "Everyone goes through some sort of hardships in life; it's what you take from those hardships and how you use what you've learned that can help you move on and become a stronger person."

For instance, the morning after his brother's wedding in 2006, he learned that his parents were in the hospital.

"We laugh about this now, but back then it wasn't really that funny," Kinsley said. "I got a phone call the morning after [the wedding] that my parents were in the hospital. Mom had rolled out of bed and suffered facial lacerations. Dad was flushed and short of breath, so [the paramedics] took him to the hospital, too.

"They ended up in the ER [laying] next to each other."

Ron and Denice still live in Wheaton, about a 45-minute drive from Kinsley, their youngest of five children they raised. They've been married for more than 40 years. She has needed a wheelchair for years and talks in not more than a whisper these days. Kinsley said it is, "a miracle," that she has lived with MS for about 45 years; the average MS patient lives about 20- or 25-years with the disease. Kinsley is, naturally, always elated when he talks about them.

"The reason I got [the family tattoo] on the back my arm is because I know my family will always be there; I just don't see them all the time. That's represented in the location of that tattoo," he said, smiling.

Kinsley said he plans to get a tattoo on his right tricep, eventually, and it too will be more Japanese characters, perhaps Mother & Father, or, Love.

"It's amazing how strong my parents are," Kinsley said. "My family made me become a stronger person. [What I've endured] has helped me laugh off a lot of things; I can't take things too personally, too seriously. When I'm having a bad day, I think about my mom."

Kinsley said he has the paperwork to, possibly, change his name—in tribute to his biological mother and the two things she gave him: life and his name. He's considering changing his name to William Alan Kinsley Dumont.

Family is, after all, the most important thing to him.


This article shared 6980 times since Wed Aug 3, 2011
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