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  WINDY CITY TIMES

AIDS: Parents volunteer to help raise money in AIDS ride
by Ross Forman, Windy City Times
2012-03-14

This article shared 3146 times since Wed Mar 14, 2012
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An extra-large portion of kismet was served Valentine's Day 2011 at Melrose Restaurant in Lakeview. The husband-wife combo of Fred and Meg Valentini gobbled it down, served from a stranger sitting in the booth next to them, with an assist from Chuck the waiter.

Hollywood would love this story.

In reality, the story started about three years ago—in the bathroom of the Valentini's suburban Oak Park home, believe it or not. That's where their son, Phil, then 16, cornered his mom to tell her that he is gay. Three months before that, he had first come out to his twin: Mitchell, who, like everyone in their family, has been overly accepting.

Phil, though, had just finished his junior year at Oak Park and River Forest High School, where he was a member of the school's wrestling team, and thus, he wanted to keep his coming out fairly quiet.

Meg, looking for resources as a new parent of a gay son, discovered PFLAG ( Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays ) , including a chapter for the Oak Park area. But, since Phil wanted to keep his coming out quiet, Meg and Fred instead chose to go to PFLAG meetings in Lakeview.

"We figured no one would know us," at the Lakeview PFLAG chapter, Fred said.

They embraced PFLAG and PFLAG embraced Meg and Fred, and the two also became active with the Broadway Youth Center—so they were in Lakeview last February in conjunction with a kids-only party at the youth center.

Meg and Fred, who have been married for 32 years and have four children, went to Melrose after setting up at the party. They had three hours to kill time before returning to clean up after the party.

That's when Melrose waiter Chuck told them about Richard Cordova who, ironically, was sitting in the booth right next to theirs. Cordova is the director of athletic events for the Test Positive Aware Network ( TPAN ) , anchored by the annual Ride For AIDS Chicago ( RFAC ) , a TPAN beneficiary.

Cordova convinced Meg and Fred, now 55 and 57, respectively, that, yes, they could do The Ride and that they could ride a tandem bicycle.

Several months and hundreds of training miles later, Meg and Fred were riding 200 miles in two days with the rest of the RFAC contingent. They fund-raised about $4,500 which was more than double the amount they were required to raise.

They were the lone two riders for Team PFLAG in the 2011 RFAC, but that didn't bother them, even when other teams had 50-plus riders. They still had a wonderful experience, and bonded easily with the RFAC's diverse mix of riders, crew, volunteers and staff.

"The Ride was one of the most fun things I have ever done in my life," said Fred, who works as a salesman. "Everything was so well organized and coordinated throughout. The only thing we really had to do was, show up and ride.

"What motivates you to ride is, wanting to accomplish something, and also, the fact that you're doing it for a good cause."

Still, Meg admits she was "scared to death" that Saturday morning, minutes before starting the first day's 100-mile ride from the Evanston campus of Northwestern University.

"We did The Ride for [ Phil ] and so many others who we have met [ on this journey ] and become friendly with," said Fred, who admitted the two-day Ride was "emotional."

Meg and Fred were greeted in Evanston on that Sunday afternoon, after completing all 200 miles, by their two oldest children: Steve, 25; and Nikki, 23.

"We were sore, but it was a blast," Fred said.

Meg added: "One of the reasons we're doing The Ride again this year is because we had so much fun last year."

Meg and Fred trained religiously last year, including once-a-week spin classes at Cheetah Gym in Andersonville. This year, they've upped their training—they actually started training last October when they started taking spin classes three times per week. Plus, they also have been doing yoga, Pilates, running, lifting weights, and sticking to a healthy diet.

"We're going to kill it this year," Fred said, laughing.

They will ride this summer once again on a tandem bicycle, and they again want to fundraise at least another $4,500.

"No one has been judgmental of us, being the older folk, and the fact that we are parents. In fact, [ the other riders ] have been embracing, very open and accepting of us," Meg said.

Fred added: "The other riders inspired us to keep going back [ to the weekly long training rides, starting ] at 7 a.m. each and every Sunday.

"We quickly realized that we couldn't miss the training sessions because we needed them, plus, we really wanted to see the other riders because they're awesome and we were having so much fun," Meg said.

Though they were among the oldest riders in the 2011 Ride, they weren't the last to finish, which was a goal of theirs.

"With their commitment and passion to PFLAG, their family, and to the Ride, you can't help but love them," Cordova said.

"Meg is the quintessential role model of what unconditional love and acceptance looks like," said 2011 RFAC participant Michael Reyes. "When you first meet Meg, you see her as a loving mom to her kids, one of which is gay. That's what I thought of her when I first met Meg. I quickly realized Meg and Fred not only show unconditional love and acceptance to their son, they've shown it to all involved in the Ride and quickly become parents to all of us child-like adults. Every person coming out in the gay community should have parents like these two to welcome them to the realization they are loved simply because they are deserving of love, not for any other reason."

Said 2011 RFAC participant Sean Blay: "Meg and Fred were so amazing with their positive attitudes towards training and pushing through the hardest parts of the 200-mile, 2-day Ride. I looked at them and told myself, 'Damn it, if they can do The Ride on a tandem [ bike, ] then I can do it on my bike.'"

Added 2011 RFAC participant Beth DeMars: "Fred and Meg, with their trademark tandem bike, participated in the Ride for AIDS Chicago to support not just their son, but also the LGBT community as a whole. They are loving parents and friends to all, regardless of [ one's ] sexual orientation. They are an inspiration to all riders and crew, and we are very lucky to know them."

Though Father Time slowed their time on The Ride, neither has lost their pride or passion for success, competition … or just being a kid.

That explains why, after the first 100 miles last year, they jumped in a nearby lake—fully clothed.

"When my son came out, you kind of automatically think about all of the [ potential ] negative things—the bullying, the discrimination and so much more," Fred said. "But, through PFLAG and the Ride For AIDS Chicago, we saw so much positive, people who were successful, in successful relationships, with kids, and more."

See bit.ly/megandfredrideforaids .

This story is part of the Local Reporting Initiative, supported in part by The Chicago Community Trust.


This article shared 3146 times since Wed Mar 14, 2012
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