When the AOL instant message arrived, it had only two words: I Know.
James McLarty-Lopes immediately picked up the phone and called his mom who, on that fateful day in March, 2005, had sent her son the IM.
"My stomach sank, as low as it could go," he said. "I thought it was going to be World War III, as it was when I came out [ of the closet ] . My mother was fairly uneducated, mostly because she didn't have a reason to know," anything about HIV-AIDS.
Until then, that is—when her son confirmed his status. Yes, he was positive.
She had been searching his name on Google and came across his blog, which he started writing weeks earlier to update the world about his health status.
"Everyone wanted to know everything [ about my health ] , and I didn't want to talk on the phone. I was tired, so tired, dealing with the doctors, the medications, the side effects, etc. So the blog was my lifeline to friends and family," he said.
That ultimately is where his mom, Janie Taylor, learned of his latest health issue/update. McLarty-Lopes, now 28, had endured health issues for years before then, though. In fact, his health woes before the HIV diagnosis affected and impacted the timing of his diagnosis, and the troubles doctors long had in determining his HIV status.
Two weeks before his 18th birthday, for instance, he was diagnosed with breast cancer. "I couldn't believe it; it was totally crazy," he said.
McLarty-Lopes went through chemotherapy and radiation for about six months, though June, 2002.
The treatment worked, for about a year.
He had a cancer recurrence in 2003, which led to more chemotherapy.
In 2004, his cancer was controlled, yet he was getting sick regularly. McLarty-Lopes said it was like he battled the cold that never went away. Eventually it became the flu.
In October 2004, McLarty-Lopes went to a hospital; he thought it might be HIV because doctors hadn't been able to diagnose his ailments and he still was struggling. The doctors said he was HIV-negative.
"But I knew I was sick; I was not getting better," he said.
Finally, in January 2005, McLarty-Lopes was admitted to the hospital in Atlanta. Several specialists tested him and one even asked if he had had chemotherapy for the cancer—because chemo can impact HIV detection, particularly if it's intense chemo.
Two days later—on Jan. 29, 2005—doctors told him he was positive.
"The doctors took it harder than I did. At that point, I was basically just glad to know what it was," McLarty-Lopes said. "I figured I could fight something if it had a face; it's the unknown that was driving me crazy."
McLarty-Lopes was released from the hospital days later and he started his treatment immediately. He took his first drug cocktail on Valentine's Day, 2005, and also wrote his first blog entry that same day.
"I've always been able to write my feelings, much more and better than speaking my feelings," he said.
McLarty-Lopes' blog is now six years old and the No. 1 online search for anyone who types 'HIV blog.' It also was voted the 2010 Best Health Blog in the Blogger's Choice Awards.
"One thing that's always set my blog apart is, I never sugar-coated anything. People really have appreciated my honesty," McLarty-Lopes said. "If it was a bad day, it was a bad day—and I said so.
"Now, though, the blog has sort of transformed from a personal story to a broader resource blog.
"I'm very proud of the blog and the reaction it's gotten over the years because I know my struggles are helping people."
CNN was, for instance, trying this spring to highlight people who were living, or thriving, with HIV. One of the producers spotted McLarty-Lopes' blog online. She reached out to him and the Chicago-area resident appeared live worldwide on June 15.
"I was really excited about that [ interview ] and thought it went really well," he said.
Immediately after the segment aired, his phone blew up, and he received countless Facebook requests.
"People see me as being brave. I don't see it as bravery, but rather, just sharing that part of my life," McLarty-Lopes said. "I think it's an honor that people read my blog, that CNN wanted to profile me because of the blog."
His message is working. McLarty-Lopes received an online message, for instance, after the CNN appearance from an 82-year-old woman. She wrote: "I saw your interview on CNN and I like to educate myself on things I don't know anything about."
"That kind of blew me away," McLarty-Lopes said.
"I can't think of anything better to be known for, to have a lasting legacy through my blog. I'm very honored that people can look back on things that I've gone through and gain strength.
"All I'm trying to do is spread the word that there's nothing to be fearful of [ by having HIV-AIDS ] , there's nothing to be ashamed of—and I don't care who you are, you're never alone.
"I didn't expect to be a voice for anyone but myself. Being told that you have HIV and/or AIDS probably is the most depressing news that you'll ever hear. Hopefully my blog will, or might, help one person."
McLarty-Lopes has been living in suburban Prospect Heights since May, and the Chicago area for almost three years. He is a personal chef for a gay Lakeview couple, and, since Sept. 2, 2008, has been married to Chad Toland, 30, a civilian store clerk at the Great Lakes Naval Base. Toland also is HIV-positive.
"I'm now about as healthy as ever, but the past 10 years, yeah, it's been hell," McLarty-Lopes said.
In 2005, for instance, McLarty-Lopes learned he had full-blown AIDS, and by 2007, he was in a dire situation medically after, admittedly, not being as diligent about his medications as he should have been.
In June 2007, McLarty-Lopes was part of the Pride Committee for the Atlanta Gay Pride Parade, and two days before the event, he started having problems with his left eye. Ultimately, he lost all vision in that eye.
Doctors later told him the eye condition, which was a genetic defect common in males, also was a by-product of HIV and/or his HIV treatment.
His treatment, in 2007, included Fuzeon—two injections daily.
"I hated those damn shots. They were horribly painful and left huge welts on my body," McLarty-Lopes said. "But after two weeks [ using Fuzeon ] , I was vastly improved.
"Fuzeon saved my life."
He was on Fuzeon for eight months.
Also during his battle with HIV-AIDS, McLarty-Lopes has spent time at Common Ground in Atlanta, a support-group for positive people, those infected or affected by the disease. He was one of the few Caucasians in the group and definitely the youngest. Still, "I found wisdom and guidance through these people who had had [ HIV or AIDS ] for 15- or 20-years. I connected with them on a deep level. They really inspired me, particularly to keep up with my blog."
And he's doing just that, always toting his simple yet powerful message: Knowledge is power. Nothing is ever gained by being silent.
"The blog has taken a turn from being a tool for keeping my family and friends informed in my overall well-being to being a voice for people, [ including ] those who are afraid to come out about their status," he said.
To read McLarty-Lopes' blog, go to:
http://www.stillarriving.blogspot.com/
Also see: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2011/06/15/nr.changing.face.of.hiv.cnn?iref=allsearch
