Last week, Windy City Times ran the first of a two-part real-life story involving the journey to motherhood for lesbian couple Christy Webber and Jennie Rule. This is the conclusion of that piece.
Jenny Lachica remembered that fateful weekend: 'We had purchased a few unimportant items, silly T-shirts that said things like My Parents Are Out of Town and a funny-looking sock frog when we got this call from Webber. We were in a store at the time trying to choose a blanket for the baby's trip home from the hospital. Rule was obviously rattled ... so we threw our items on the counter. The cashier noticed how hurried and anxious we were and smiled politely, if not confused, when we announced that Rule's baby was being born. Her eyes did a quick once over on Rule before thanking us for a large purchase and squeaking Good Luck.'
Leaving the store, Rule told Lachica she would have to drive the car back to Chicago. Rule then began a frantic search for a fast flight home. 'I was scared I wasn't going to get a flight and that I'd miss the entire thing,' Rule said. 'I was trying to keep my cool. I rushed in and packed everything. In about four minutes I was back in the car. It was a nightmare. I couldn't quite remember how to get to the airport, the gas was on empty, the flight was in 10 minutes and we were 40 minutes from the airport.'
The day Webber's water broke she was driving a truck. 'I was riding around on mowers and loading them up onto trailers,' she said. 'So I said to my worker Josh, 'I don't think things are right, I'm leaking.' He didn't have a clue. He told me to go home so I went to CVS and picked up some Depends and a Chicago Tribune and then stopped at Starbucks. I thought uncontrollable urination and loss of bladder control was just the last stage of pregnancy. Then when I got home I ran into one of the neighbors. Pam asked how I was doing and I said I'm leaking, I'm going to put these diapers on and Pam said, 'Christy, your water broke. It's time to go to the hospital.' So I took a shower, packed a bag, drove to the hospital, parked in the lot, walked up to the desk and said, 'Yeah, I think I'm having a baby.' The nurse asked who brought me there. I just shrugged, looked around, and said I drove myself.'
Back in Michigan, when Rule finally arrived at the airport check-in desk she again had a hard time explaining the urgency of the situation. 'I wanted to explain that I'm having a baby, but that it isn't coming out of me,' she said. 'There just is no easy way.' Through all this chaos, The Goddess must have been smiling down upon her. Rule sprinted to the gate and was hugely relieved to make the plane just in time. The flight back to Chicago was actually nice. It gave Rule a minute to collect her thoughts and 'sort of be up in heaven and to pretend her [ late ] mom was there in the clouds.' It brought her a great deal of comfort: 'I talked a bit with her and I knew she would be proud of us and just thought, 'Wow, look at this great thing that we're doing!''
When the plane landed Jennie Rule hit the ground running. She headed for the cab line, actually she ran to the front of the cab line and frantically convinced the gentleman at the head of the queue to share a cab downtown. No doubt overwhelmed he readily agreed. Rule laughs to recall the moment. 'Once we were in that cab I told him the entire story, the three minute version of it. I think he was overwhelmed.' At about 5:00 p.m. Rule finally arrived downtown at The Prentice Women's Hospital of Northwestern University and sprinted to room 1282. 'I ran in the room all out of breath and Webber was lying there watching TV. She looked over and said, Hey babe, relax, nothing's happened, calm down.'
The nurse on duty told Rule that Webber was only allowed to have ice chips, but as soon as the nurse left the room Webber turned to Rule and said, 'Okay, you need to go to the store. I want M&Ms and potato chips.' Rule laughs, 'That is such a perfect example of things. It can be tough sometimes because I tend to follow the rules, and Webber doesn't. But in this case I was willing, so I went to Walgreens and got her some food.'
Webber didn't know quite what to make of labor: 'I didn't know what to expect. Everyone tells these horror stories. Everyone says, 'I was in labor for 24 hours, another one says I was in labor for 36 hours, another may say I was in labor for 8 hours.' It's kind of a joke. If you have the epidural you don't feel anything, so all that's a crock of shit. You're basically lying around watching TV and waiting for the baby's head to come down and situate itself so you can start to push it out. Your uterus is contracting and pushing and massaging the baby into place and getting it ready to come out. It's wild. I think because I had an epidural and couldn't feel down there I had to have a C-section. You don't have control of your muscles, so you can't really push.'
Epidurals numb basically everything from the belly-button down. It's recognizied that they can cause labor to slow down and they've also been known to weaken the contractions. 'The only thing the nurse kept saying to me was, 'Try to shit. That same contraction makes the baby muscles work, too.' So I was trying to take the biggest shit I could.'
Rule's expectations of the birthing process were also different from the reality she was experiencing: 'The room was so low-key. It was like a hotel room. We were watching CNN and I was just sitting there in pajamas holding her leg. It wasn't all sterile and bright lights and scrubs. It was very intimate with hardwood floors. Besides the two of us there was a nurse, a doctor and a med student present. Christy pushed for two hours. To her, it was like a basketball game and she didn't want to give up. For her, giving up was going upstairs and having the c-section. Christy kept saying, If I didn't have that damn epidural I could have had the baby an hour ago.'
Webber clarified, 'I wanted to push this kid out and not have a C-section because I didn't want to be laid up from work.' In the end, though, they decided upon a caesarian. Webber was wheeled upstairs and a stronger epidural was administered. At this time, Jennie did put on scrubs and a mask, and things began to live up to her sterile childbirth expectations: 'It was still so strange. There was a sheet up so neither of us could see what was going on. After about 10 minutes they said I could look. I stood up and saw them pull him out. When he cried that first time Christy said, 'What, did I just have a cat?' We laughed. Then I put him next to her and we cried. Oliver Rule Webber, a healthy boy, came into the world at 11:30 a.m. on Sun., March 16, 2008. Though he was born a month early, Oliver weighed a very respectable 7 lbs. and was 18 inches long. Rule and Webber's dream, set in motion almost two years before, had finally become a reality.
Looking back on that time a few weeks ago the two just shook their heads. 'We were not ready for the baby at all,' Rule said. 'He was a month early. We had nothing. We had a baby kimono, but no crib. We had a Johnny Cash onesie, but no bottles. Neither of us had ever really been around babies. I remember, after Christy had the baby, going to K-Mart and just standing in the baby aisle and being totally overwhelmed. I had no idea what we needed. I had to scramble to get everything ready at home for when Webber and Oliver were released.'
Webber made the best of the situation and set up office at the hospital. She had her laptop and the phone. She even would periodically get dressed and run to the Starbucks next to Northwestern and have a quick smoke on the way. The hospital stay was pretty nice, and Webber cried when it came time to leave. Webber admitted that the thought of going home was tough: 'They were taking care of everything. It was safe there. I was so scared to bring him home. There are a thousand baby books and a thousand opinions and you're always sacred shitless you're going to do the wrong thing.'
Since they've been home from the hospital Webber has gone back to work but is trying her best to take it easy which is clearly not an easy thing for Webber to do, even if she's still on the mend from a caesarian. However, the biggest challenge has not been the physical restrictions, but the separation from her newborn son. 'I try not to look at his pictures on the wall because it upsets me and I want to get back home to him,' she said. 'He's a new priority. Oliver is definitely number one. It just shocks me how much I love the little guy. I now understand that thing people feel when their kids get sick, I get it. I'm in awe every single day. I felt that bond right away. It's hormonal, it's chemical, it's physical, it's me, it's us.'
Webber felt her bond with Oliver has grown even stronger with breastfeeding and also admitted that, 'It's so draining. I've even fallen asleep doing it. Seriously, Jennie has come in and both Oliver and me have fallen asleep in the middle of breast-feeding.' The exhaustion is understandable. The days are long for Webber. She stays all night with Oliver, giving him his 1:30 and 5:30 feedings. Webber said that those rules are starting to change, however: 'In the last week, Jennie is starting to become the important one. She's the one that's here during the day. She's starting to take care of more of his needs with the bottle and changing him and all.' Rule maintains that Oliver has it made with 'round the clock moms'.
However, the law doesn't recognize it that way. Given the circumstances of Oliver's birth, Webber and Rule have had to take legal steps to protect their being bound together by this child. There are several legal complexities in the wake of Oliver's birth. Rule technically has no rights to the baby because she gave up her eggs. She was a donor. On the other hand, it could be argued that Webber was merely a surrogate. If that ruling stood, Rule could take the baby away. The scenario is just one of many reasons there needs to be legal involvement. Without proper legal documents that clarify their relationship and co-parent status, there could be a full-fledged custody battle for Oliver. As it stands, Webber's name is on Oliver's birth certificate; Rule admitted it was 'kind of hurtful' that she wasn't allowed to be included on the documents. Currently, the two women are working with Nidhi Desai, a leading lawyer in the rapidly expanding field of adoption and reproductive technology law, so that Rule can adopt the baby and Oliver can, indeed, have two mommies.
Though things in the Rule-Webber household can sometimes be chaotic, it is a house full of love. Even the women's dogs, Mabel the chihuahua and Oscar the terrier, display an absolute fascination with the infant. 'It can be a little crazy around here, but basically we're learning one day at a time,' Rule said.
Part of the chaos can be attributed to home itself. Webber and Rule are currently renting a place during a transition from their former residence to their new home. During her pregnancy, Webber bought a four-story Victorian building in Wicker Park. She took me on a tour through the gutted 5,500-square-foot mansion with stained glass, high ceilings, enormous baths, winding stairs, numerous fireplaces, character to spare, baby rooms, and, of course, a yard in need of landscaping. And that 5,500-square-foot figure doesn't even include the three large decks or the four car garage! There is even a bank of solar panels on the roof that attest to Webber's commitment to the environment. When the renovations are completed the new home is going to be nothing short of spectacular. It's going to be a great house for a kid, or two.
When I mention that original agreement they made and future additions to the family Webber smiled: 'Yeah, we're still looking to have more than one.' She then looked at Rule, adding, 'But now that I've done it, it's Rule's turn. That's fair, right? I am thinking July.'
Rule rolled her eyes. 'Christy comes up with this completely arbitrary month and time frame,' she said. 'I know it's my turn. I'm happy that this time we will know so much more about what to expect. We even saved the same sperm and some of my frozen eggs so the babies will be real siblings.'
Currently one of Webber's big concerns is postpartum depression, which supposedly kicks in at about six weeks. 'So now I am worried about that,' Webber said. 'The pregnancy took away my menopause so I didn't have the hot flashes for a while. Now I'm scared I'll be menopausal and have postpartum at the same time, so look out.'
However, there were no signs of depression when Webber began talking about the future with Oliver. Her face lit up: 'I wanted a boy. He can be a Cub Scout. He can do the Pinewood Derby. I did it, but I couldn't race my car because I was a girl. I can't wait until he can be in Little League because I couldn't. I was in three games and we won all three. I was the best player, and then my Mom told them I was a girl. They had no idea. So then I couldn't play anymore. I had to have white ice skates and all my friends had the black ones and they had hockey skates. I had sissy skates. Even peeing, I couldn't pee with my friends. I had to go shamefully and pee behind a tree. Oliver can do all the things I couldn't do because I was a girl.'
When Webber realized the timing of this article/interview was to coincide with Mother's Day she looked at Jenny and said, 'Mother's Day? Rule, I figured you would do Mother's Day. I mean, I'm the babymama, I'm the one who had him. But I'm really the babydaddy. You're more the mother. I'll do Father's Day.'
Sounds like a perfect solution to me.
( I would like to acknowledge Patrick Letellier's Advocate article 'Lesbians Looking to Become Parents More Likely Now than Ever to Face Religious Objections From Their Doctors' ( 4/12/2005 ) as an influence in this piece. )
