Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

IT GETS BETTER: Wait 'Til the Facts Are In
by Kirk Williamson
2010-10-13

This article shared 4646 times since Wed Oct 13, 2010
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


See Kirk read his essay on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYDx7Vu6hT4

The biggest problem with being young is just that: you're young. When you're 13 or 14, there is precious little hindsight or opportunity for retrospect. While it's a bit clichéd that with age comes wisdom, it's true in the sense that with experience comes wisdom and at that age, you are only just beginning to experience the world in an independent sense. You haven't necessarily been equipped with the tools you'll need to deal with some of life's most pressing issues. Unfortunately, it's also at that age that these issues begin to press… and press hard.

I first became aware of my sexuality around the age of 11. I had begun to fantasize about other boys in my class, and while I never made this known to anyone, I carried on my fantasies with no hint of shame. I had no idea that these fantasies were sexual in nature. I had been raised to believe—to KNOW, rather—that boys will be attracted to girls at some magical crossroads called puberty. Therefore, I "knew" that sex was something between a man and a woman and I "knew" that when I became a man, I would have sexual feelings towards women. If I knew then what I know now…

I finally put two and two together after reading some horrible little book brought home in earnest by my mother. It was one of those everything-you-need-to-know-about-your-changing-body-with-a-Christ-focus books printed to assuage teenaged confusion. It only served to exacerbate mine. I remember two passages most clearly.

The first was a frank description of sex, complete with body parts this and engorged that. It didn't take me long to draw the connection between what this book was describing and what I had been doing in the locked bathroom while dreaming about overnight stays with my school chums.

The second passage is the one that struck me the hardest. In this 200-page book, chock-full of everything I would need to know on my journey into adult Christian sexual expression, there were exactly two sentences on homosexuality ( trust me, I did a thorough search ) . Paraphrased slightly, these two sentences were: Homosexuality is a terrible condition in which people are attracted to those of the same sex. But you don't need to worry about this because it rarely happens to good Christians. Great, now not only do I have a condition, but I'm also a bad Christian!

I never chose to be who I am, I merely came to the knowledge that I am who I am. I never sat down and planned to be gay. I was taught that if you "chose" to be gay, you would have to suffer the hellfire consequences of that choice. Fair enough, I thought. A blazing eternity was sufficient impetus for me to make the "right choices." But I never chose this. How was it fair that I was facing the ultimate punishment for something over which I had no choice? My logic then, with all the knowledge I had, was sound: I must just be a bad person.

Meanwhile, the bullying at school only served to further this hypothesis. It was becoming quite clear that, at the very least, I was not like the other boys. And they spared no opportunity to remind me of that fact. All I knew about being gay I learned from the misguided passages in that adolescent tract from Focus On the Family and from the mocking tone of voices that accompanied all my newly acquired nicknames, such as "faggot" and "cocksucker." I wasn't sure who I was yet as a person, but I knew I did not want to be who I was turning out to be.

And that's the main problem with being young: All the facts are not in yet. I was convinced at that time that I was innately evil and flawed and I really, truly did not want to live. While I never did anything about it, I clearly recall a certain staircase in my high school. It was three stories high and spiraled around an open area that went straight down to the first floor. Many times I figured it would be easier to jump from the railing and plunge headfirst into the speckled green linoleum than to face the taunts and teasing I received because of something deep inside that I hated as much as the teasers and taunters did.

But something told me to hold on. It was not Jesus. It was not social or familial responsibility. It was not even fear. It was the feeling that some way, somehow, things might get better. And they did. Things got much better, and not just for me.

Now that I am older, and the facts are in ( for the most part ) , I live my life as an out, proud gay man. I am the art director of a gay newspaper and the editor of a gay magazine. Every morning I report to work I am proclaiming, "I am here, I am queer, let's get the job done!"

I know that God does not hate me; the truth is quite the opposite. I know that I am happy, healthy, fulfilled and fabulous! While I am not particularly religious, I still live by the basic tenets of good faith: generosity, kindness, caring, humility, love.

And above all else, I know that I am extremely glad that I held on. Had I not, I could not be writing this essay in the knowledge that perhaps just one set of young gay or lesbian eyes might see these words and have that same glimmer of hope for a better future that made me who I am today.

Kirk Williamson is the art director and a senior account manager for Windy City Media Group ( WCMG ) , in addition to being the managing editor WCMG's Nightspots Magazine. He is a published writer and poet.

See Kirk read his essay on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYDx7Vu6hT4

IN THIS ISSUE [ LINK HERE OR FROM THIS ISSUE'S MAIN INDEX ]

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Anti-suicide project reflects on cases

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php DePaul vigil remembers teen suicides

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Tracy Baim

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Toni Weaver

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Amy Pirtle

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Bobby Pirtle

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Eric Marcus

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Alexandra Billings

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Caleb's Story

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Karlis Streips

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by John R. Cepek

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Judy Shepard

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Lee Lynch

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Kristi Keorkunian

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Joshua Plant

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Chris Hill

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Trevor Project Chicago events

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Stopping Bullies in Illinois

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php Mother of Slain Teen Gwen Araujo Addresses LGBT Youth Suicide by Sylvia Guerrero

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Carl G. Streed Jr.

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Thom Bierdz

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Kit Duffy

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Vernita Gray

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php by Wancy Young Cho

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php RESOURCES

www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php QUOTES





This article shared 4646 times since Wed Oct 13, 2010
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

UPDATE: Nex Benedict's death ruled a suicide; family responds 2024-03-13
- A medical examiner's report concluded that the cause of death of Oklahoma student Nex Benedict (he/they) was suicide, media reports confirmed. Benedict—a 16-year-old transgender student—died Feb. 8, a day after ...


Gay News

WORLD Queer teen dies, trans activist honored, HIV drugs, mpox, British lesbian 2023-12-01
- In India, queer makeup artist Pranshu reportedly died by suicide—at age 16—after being subjected to relentless attacks online, PinkNews noted. On social media, LGBTQIA+-rights advocacy collective Yes, We Exist claimed ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Trevor Project, anti-trans crimes, priest sentenced, hate-crimes unit 2023-11-24
- The Trevor Project announced the extension of its partnership with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, reaffirming its commitment to providing specialized assistance to LGBTQ+ people who call 9-8-8, The Advocate reported. Interim Senior Vice President ...


Gay News

Study: 40% of trans people have attempted suicide 2023-07-21
- A new study from the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law found that 81% of transgender adults in the country have thought about suicide, 42% of transgender adults have attempted it and 56% have engaged ...


Gay News

New 988 National Suicide Prevention Hotline number launches 2022-07-17
- On July 16, Vibrant Emotional Health—the nonprofit that operates the lifeline on behalf of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)—launched ...


Gay News

Trevor Project: 45% of LGBTQ youth considered suicide in the past year 2022-05-26
- The Trevor Project recently released its 2022 survey on the mental health of LGBTQ+ youth. According to an introduction from Trevor Project CEO & Executive Director Amit Paley, the survey demonstrates that rates of suicidal thoughts ...


Gay News

WORLD Trevor Project, Ukraine items, LGBTQ politician, Kosovo's anti-gay move 2022-03-20
- The Trevor Project—the LGBTQ+ suicide-prevention organization named after "Trevor," an Academy Award-winning short film about a gay teenager who attempts suicide—is expanding its services into Mexico, NBC News reported. The ...


Gay News

Gay Maryland mayor dies by suicide 2022-01-30
- The Maryland city of Hyattsville released a statement announcing its city's openly gay mayor, Kevin Ward, had died by an apparent suicide, The Washington Blade reported. On Twitter, the city posted, "It is with great sadness ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Bullying items, non-binary student, trans ornaments, Hillary Clinton 2021-12-12
- In Tennessee, a Bedford County seventh-grader died by suicide Nov. 28 after he was ruthlessly bullied for being gay, according to LGBTQ Nation. The parents of 12-year-old Eli Fritchley say his peers repeatedly told him he ...


Gay News

Lil Nas X receives inaugural Trevor Project award 2021-09-05
- The Trevor Project announced that "Old Town Road" rapper Lil Was X was the recipient of its inaugural Suicide Prevention Advocate of the Year Award. On its website, the organization stated, " Lil Nas X has ...


Gay News

Gender-affirming care associated with lower suicide risk for transgender people 2021-09-01
--From a Williams Institute press release - A summary of current data on suicide risk and prevention among transgender people in recognition of Suicide Prevention Month Transgender people who need and receive gender-affirming medical care have a lower prevalence of suicide thoughts and ...


Gay News

Trevor Project data on LGBTQ youth suicide shows urgency of Equality Act 2021-07-06
--From a press release - WASHINGTON, DC — Today, Freedom & Opportunity For All, a national campaign advocating for the urgent passage of the Equality Act, and The Trevor Project, the world's largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Social-justice activist, dominatrix Mistress Velvet dies 2021-05-21
- PASSAGES Social-justice activist, dominatrix Mistress Velvet dies By Carrie Maxwell Social-justice activist and dominatrix Mistress Velvet (who used they/them pronouns) died by suicide May 9 in Chicago. They were 33. ...


Gay News

Trevor Project releases 2021 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2021-05-19
--From a press release - WASHINGTON, DC May 19, 2021 The Trevor Project, the world's largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ) young people ...


Gay News

GLAAD responds to increase in suicide attempts among trans youth in Arkansas 2021-04-19
--From a press release - (New York, NY - April 19, 2021) GLAAD is responding to reports of an increase in suicide attempts among transgender youth in Arkansas, which on April 6 became the first U.S. state to outlaw gender-affirming ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS






Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.