TO WINDY CITY TIMES

Oh … my … .g-g-g-goodness!

The chill in the air, the sweet smell of chestnuts roasting or garbage rotting; sweet little children with runny noses pointing to expensive things in shop windows and crying; people shoving each other to the curb to get a cab—all of these heartwarming scenes can only mean one thing …

It's time to celebrate the holidays in New York City!

Of course, you could take a pilgrimage to Bethlehem ( um ... That would be Israel, not Pennsylvania ) but to witness authentic everyday modern miracles, book your ticket fast, my Midwest chums, and come to the big-bargain Beacon of holiday hope—right here in the Big Apple.

You might not actually see the baby Jesus waiting on line in Macy's, or hear the Virgin Mary pushing her fat-free fruitcake at an inspiration meeting at Jenny Craig.

Times are tough. Money is scarce.

But there is never a good excuse for not treating yourself, or someone you love ( or lust for ) to a good time at least once a year, right?

And to those of you divas ( not unlike myself ) who like to whine and stomp around the house until you get your way, put New York City at the top of your wish list this year.

I don't want there to be any impediments to your holiday adventure, so I've decided to bargain-hunt for you all and make sure you have a few reasons NOT to stay put. Below are common excuses, and remedies for them.

—"But honey it's so expensive to stay in NYC. We just can't do it.": Hold on. There's a brand new place to stay in my favorite neighborhood called the Manhattan-Soho Hampton Inn ( 54 Watts; 212-226-6288 or 800-HAMPTON ) . Book your room, and upon check-in, mention Windy City Times and get a special promotional rate of only $199—single or double occupancy! ( That's at least 100 bucks cheaper than anything you can find online. )

If there are any problems, see General Manager Gary Wescott. Plus, guests receive an extra complimentary breakfast buffet, Internet and morning paper.

Soho is shopping heaven—and just a short skip away from the Village, Tribeca, Chinatown and Little Italy, so take all your extra pennies from that crazy cheap room and buy yourself a little somethin' special.

—"Half-price tickets for Broadway shows still run around 6o bucks. Isn't there anything New York to see for cheap?": You want it? You got it.

Venture around Midtown and catch one of the most talked about performances around. Cashino!

Hairspray's Susie Mosher and recording artist John Boswell star as Johnny Niagra and Pepper Cole in the multimedia musical show that combines film and live performance like never before. It's at the Laurie Beechman Theatre downstairs at the West Bank Café ( 407 W. 42nd; 212-695-6909 ) . Windy City Times readers can use a coupon to receive half off the $20 ticket; that's 10 bucks for a New York night out like nobody's biz!! Wahoo.

And you thought, I didn't have that holiday "giving" spirit. C'mon.

—"I want to check out the gay scene, but I don't want to have sit at the bar nursing my one drink.": The Strip is back! The new, swanky lesbian hotspot RF Lounge ( 531 Hudson; 212-929-3343 ) is opening this month, and it's a neighborhood bar with an international feel. There are celebrity DJs, special drinks, delicious food and, of course, plenty of eye candy. Bring a copy of Windy City Times, tell 'em Amy sent you and receive a complimentary welcome drink for you and your date!

How's that for holiday hospitality?

I hope these little gifts make your choice to come and visit us all here in New York much easier.

Of course, once you're here, you'll find so many things to do for next to nothing—walk and walk everywhere from the Brooklyn Bridge to Central Park ( then you'll be too tired to spend any money, anyway! )

I wish BETTY were playing—then I could invite you all for free, er, well, I mean … invite you to a great holiday concert! However, we are busy recording our new CD, and can't wait to see you all in Chicago March 8, 2009, at Old Town School of Folk Music.

Until we meet again, we all wish you peace and joy and happiness and fun and health and wealth—and the best darn New York Holiday adventure of your lives!

See you in the city!

Happy Holidaze!